of crushes and love...

I once had a HUGE HUGE crush on this guy I knew very well.

It’s funny how you think what sorta guy you’d fall for…and then boom! Without knowing u start liking this other guy who doesn’t come anywhere closer to the imaginary guy. That’s when u realize the things that u thought would matter the most, like looks for one, would take only the last position when it comes to the real thing.

The only thing that matters if u can connect at some level. I thought we did really connect coz it was one of the huge crushes I had ever had. I badly wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling, pull myself outta the world I was living in, but then I didn’t wanna do it either. Coz I was so happy…ignorance really is bliss, people. Every time I thought about him, somehow a smile would appear on my lips and he gave me a reason to look forward to each brand new day. It sure did feel good to like someone in that angle for once ;-)

But every good thing must come to an end. Finally I came to realize that this guy actually liked someone else. Not that I wanted things to go any further, coz I wasn’t sure of what exactly I was feeling, but still I sure did LIKE the guy A LOT. And I had (or even more correctly has) no idea what the guy felt like. I was heart-broken. Again not that I wanted us to be together. I just didn’t want my crush to have a crush before I was totally over him. But alas! Things always don’t seem to work that way. And it hurts…as I read somewhere crush is something like tiny love just not that strong enough. If losing a crush hurts this much (watching him fall for another person does wonders to your self-esteem and self-worth!) I keep reminding myself not to fall in love at any cost coz I don’t wanna go through all that again.

The only song that I used to hear those days was roxette’s ‘it must’ve been love’.

It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
It must’ve been good, but I lost it somehow
It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
From the moment we touched, till the time had run out

And every time I heard it…it was like I was hearing myself saying things I wanted to say…and I even thought I could detect the pain in her voice…god, these hormones sure does weird things to me ( rolls my eyes..)


And I kept telling myself….

If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t it never was!


I don’t blame the guy even a li’l bit. Coz I never even hinted that I liked him that way. We were just always ‘friends’. And about the other gal, I dunno what happened with them but I hope he gets someone worthy of him. It’s impossible to hate someone on whom you once had a crush on and who broke your heart, but hey…there was a time when u liked him a lot!! I wish him all the very best in life coz once he did make me really happy :-)

And I did pull through, and from now on I am keeping in my mind to see if there’s even a slight possibility of the guy liking me before I fall head over heels for him…see, I’ve turned a li’l more practical these days…