Do I Have A Choice?

This is my trial at writing poetry. Not that i consider this one to be a poem. I've been thro' quite a no. blogs- some with amazing poems. That's when i started considering writing one. I'm not a big judge of poems, so i don't know how to judge this one ( or any poem for that matter). But hey, I put down whatever that came to my mind...here goes.

Do I have a choice?


My mind’s swirling, total chaos spreading;
Everything around me is a blur,
As if I’m trapped in a foggy maze,
And I see no helping hand.

I wake up puzzled, “what’s happening?”

Inside the maze I look around, infinite paths from where I stand,
Which path’s mine? This one or that?
And I know; only one has my name on it,
The one that I call my destiny.

I wish to slow things down, to have my own space,
To figure out who I am and what I should be,
To be the master weaver of my own destiny.
But I can’t slow down; it’s all much too fast
And the ones who do have the courage to slow down,are branded ‘incompetent/ retarded’

The world’s changing, even with the blink of an eyelid.
I’m afraid to close my eyes even for a sec
I fear of losing what I have now
My life aint perfect, I know. But at least I’ve the illusion of bein’ my own boss!

Everything’s material around me these days,
People not even sure of what they’re made to want,
I see true passion nowhere
Nobody has time for anything anymore
Being a survivor, it drains all your mind and soul!

I don’t wanna be a mere survivor,
I don’t wanna just “make it thro’” life,
But in this make-believe world, the real question is-
“Do I have a choice??”

OK, who am I kidding???

The last post was supposed to inspire me…did study a li’l. Couldn’t help but post this one…when I wanna do something real bad, I just can’t help it! So here I am…

About the post, I came across this site www.43things.com and was totally fascinated by it (though I totally don’t get how people can be shallow enough to mention things like meet some celebrity or download some bloody soaps)

So here are my things…just 40 (see, I aint that greedy: D)


1. Have more willpower (do I need to explain??)
2. Fall in love ( hopefully with someone who loves me back)
3. Have a first kiss ( with the 2nd no. wala)
4. Write a good book ( would kill to have great writing skills)
5. Have someone tell me I am beautiful and mean it ( Now, this one everyone wants, I know)
6. Be able to make a person smile each day (even reading that spreads warmth, don’t u feel it?)
7. Read more books (these days don’t get enough time)
8. Sit in the front row of a concert and shout my lungs out (let out the energy that’s accumulating inside me doing nothing but a replay of the day I had yesterday over and over again)
9. Stop procrastinating (this I do A LOT)
10.Stop fighting with mom (I know I can, but the question is deep down inside, do I reeeally want to??)
11.Go on a road trip with pals ( with all my closest friends and freak out)
12.Go on a road trip with no predetermined destination (this one would be with my ‘woh’…)
13.Live life as it comes with no worries (these days the question that’s bothering me is ‘what next?’)
14.Learn to play a musical instrument ( roughly to be translated as have any artistic talents)
15.Make my parents proud of me ( which I don’t think I’m very good at)
16.Eat healthier (Coz that’s what my dad tells me…I’m a daddy’s girl!)
17.Finish what I start ( I suck at this)
18.Do something constructive each day
19.Decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life ( don’t have a clue, man)
20.Be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference... ( one of the most powerful and sensible statements I’ve ever heard)
21.Write more ( As if I can write, I know)
22.Get totally drunk once ( and spurt out things I wouldn’t even dream of saying when I’m conscious)
23.Learn to drive ( would make me feel more independent)
24.Live instead of just exist ( Exist….which is precisely what I’m doing now)
25.Be a better blogger (God, I wish…)
26.Be more creative ( coz creativity has been, is and will be THE factor)
27.Color my hair (more coz mom wont allow me to :-P)
28.Receive a letter from Hogwarts apologizing for the late owl but informing me that I am actually a wizard. ( hehe…Ok, that’s how much I LOVE Harry potter series)
29.Sky dive at least once!!! ( have a taste of each and every freaky thing)
30.Dance like no ones watching (no restraints!!! Bliss!!!)
31.Be a good conversationalist ( One of THE essential skills)
32.Stop caring what other people think of me (I can be nauseatingly self-conscious sometimes…but can’t help it)
33.Make a difference to someone (Do something that matters)
34.Wake up earlier (I just cannot wake up early, dunno why… I just cannot.)
35.Dance in the rain (even better if its with someone I ‘like’)
36.Never, EVER grow up ( ’18 till I die)
37.Live an unconventional life
38.See aunty's daughter-in-law all cured and living a normal life with her kids ( coz I just can’t stand the poor kids suffering and my aunty all depressed)
39.Never lose perspective ( that’s my sis’ fav. statement of all times…mine too)
40.See my sis happily married to a great guy ( for this, I’d give up all the other 39 things)

A sudden revelation!

I’ve realized that I’m very much addicted to internet. OK, I realized that long time back but decided to do something about it only now.

Even when I promise myself that I wont use the net until I do this and this, I somehow manage to forget all that and come online and check my mail ( Oh, does it matter that I checked it a few hours back? For me, it doesn’t :D) and read some blogs. Blogging can be highly highly addictive, people. BEWARE! If u want any confirmation on this check this sayesha’s post B(l)ogged down Once they showed me the same message and I almost freaked out. That’s how addictive it can get.

My New Year resolution was to do something useful/constructive every day. And I wonder if I’ve done anything since the New Year. So much for me and my New Year resolutions. (Anyways, I was never much of a promise-keeper ;-)). How I wish my Inner Annoying Nerd (IAN & courtesy to sayesha) would wake up. But I think there’s a chance that I killed him (or is it her since am a female? I dunno...But IAN sounds more like a him :-P) on the process of acquiring the greatest height of laziness and utter uselessness where I am right now. And trust me, people…you don’t wanna get to this level coz it’s very very difficult to go back once you’re here ( & the view from here isn’t that much pretty either). Maybe someone up here with me can get a feel of what I’m saying.

But Hey, but am gonna fight. Am gonna try and wake up the IAN inside me.

You people might be wondering how come such a realization now? Well…my university exams has never been closer and If I don’t wanna flunk and embarrass myself in front of all and most importantly in my own eyes, I better get the IAN awake.

So from now it’s gonna be less Blogging, reading the blogs, checking mails (& using the messenger) and more (and more and more) hard work…

Hey, I think I hear him waking up…gotta go before he falls asleep again …:-P

teachers who 'really' teach...

Today afternoon, I was sitting in this chemistry class and I think if I saw a movie in Swahili it would have been a much better use of my precious time. In order to prevent myself from sleeping and falling down from the bench, thus making a scene and waking up the whole class who were peacefully sleeping or doing their own stuff; I decided to take down notes for a change. The last thing on my mind being chemistry. And surprise! Surprise! That wasn’t helping much in keeping me awake. Thus I started writing down this blog entry on a piece of paper to be digitalized later ;-)


I was thinking of the teachers I’ve had over the past 12 years of my school life ( Not that I want to remember the lady with the stick which was pretty much used on me often coz it was so hard not to talk in the class even back then ;-)). There were a pretty weird of teachers I can say…the ones that thought their only job was to teach us stuff from text book, the ones who almost bullied us, the ones who made a total fool of themselves, thus entertaining us in the process, by their boasting, the ones who really cared about us, the ones we really cared about and the ones we couldn’t ever ever forget if the topic ‘teachers’ ever came up etc etc…I was wondering how many of this people while teaching ever realized that they were actually moulding somebody’s future…

Looking back, I had a couple of good teachers. But if I was ever to become one, there are 3 teachers of mine whom I’d be blessed to be anything like….

The first one was a sister from the convent I used to study in. she taught me Malayalam during my 7th and 8th standards, and I’ve my marks to show how much I looked forward to sitting and studying in her class. She made studying all those grammar and Ulloor’s poetry fun and trust me, that’s almost impossible. She was the first one, who made me realize that, ‘hey, teachers are pretty human too’. Until then I was this teeny little girl who totally idolized and worshipped them like gods and would be soo delighted if they happened to smile down on me.


Her classes made me look forward to going to school. And I think she liked me too…that made me like here even more. I remember one day she was asking questions regarding the last day’s portions and I couldn’t answer. She didn’t say anything except give me this look that I haven’t forgotten till now and from that day onwards until she stopped being my teacher I learned my daily Malayalam lessons. That’s the power of a real teacher. Without even saying a word, she had her work done. And she is also the coolest one I ever had. We could ask her about the latest movies she had seen (and she was a nun, remember!) and she used to learn guitar. I still think, she’s the coolest nun to have ever lived! Hurray Sr. Lino…We all love you…

When she left us after 8th std, I remember crying my eyes out…I was so sure there wouldn’t be another teacher I’d love as much…*sigh* ( I still think so by the way)


The second one was the English teacher who taught us during my 12th. I regret to say that I didn’t have that much time to interact with her coz 12th here is pretty hectic and English would be the last thing you would pay attention to all the bloody entrance stuff going on. But still she was pretty cool. And I used to wish that she had taught us early back in 9th or 10th before all the dumb tuitions and stuff began. She was extremely interactive and made us participate in things too and that’s one thing I think a teacher should be able to do.



And third would be the zoology sir I had last year. He was the sweetest sir you could ever find. The only thing I didn’t like about him was how he couldn’t get all the names of girls in class. But still he was awesome. He is one of the main reasons I Love zoology. And he was passionate about his job- teaching and zoology. And when somebody’s enjoying what they’re doing, it shows. It gave his class the special “X” element. He was quite young and so could get us all quite easily. He was damn witty and would tell things from the time he was a student. I was staying away from home at that time and I hated the place I was staying. The only relief I ever had was this sir’s class. The only reason I looked forward to going back to that institution. The only regret I’ve is that I did not get to thank him while I left the institution. I was soo thankful to get out of that place that I couldn’t go there once more.


These three has touched my life and I think has made me at least want to be a better person.

And so they’re what I would call ‘real teachers’. The one who makes you a even better person. More importantly makes you feel like a better person inside.

Hats off to all of them.

One day, if I ever become a teacher, if I ever become half as good as you all, I would consider myself a great teacher.

of crushes and love...

I once had a HUGE HUGE crush on this guy I knew very well.

It’s funny how you think what sorta guy you’d fall for…and then boom! Without knowing u start liking this other guy who doesn’t come anywhere closer to the imaginary guy. That’s when u realize the things that u thought would matter the most, like looks for one, would take only the last position when it comes to the real thing.

The only thing that matters if u can connect at some level. I thought we did really connect coz it was one of the huge crushes I had ever had. I badly wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling, pull myself outta the world I was living in, but then I didn’t wanna do it either. Coz I was so happy…ignorance really is bliss, people. Every time I thought about him, somehow a smile would appear on my lips and he gave me a reason to look forward to each brand new day. It sure did feel good to like someone in that angle for once ;-)

But every good thing must come to an end. Finally I came to realize that this guy actually liked someone else. Not that I wanted things to go any further, coz I wasn’t sure of what exactly I was feeling, but still I sure did LIKE the guy A LOT. And I had (or even more correctly has) no idea what the guy felt like. I was heart-broken. Again not that I wanted us to be together. I just didn’t want my crush to have a crush before I was totally over him. But alas! Things always don’t seem to work that way. And it hurts…as I read somewhere crush is something like tiny love just not that strong enough. If losing a crush hurts this much (watching him fall for another person does wonders to your self-esteem and self-worth!) I keep reminding myself not to fall in love at any cost coz I don’t wanna go through all that again.

The only song that I used to hear those days was roxette’s ‘it must’ve been love’.

It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
It must’ve been good, but I lost it somehow
It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
From the moment we touched, till the time had run out

And every time I heard it…it was like I was hearing myself saying things I wanted to say…and I even thought I could detect the pain in her voice…god, these hormones sure does weird things to me ( rolls my eyes..)


And I kept telling myself….

If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t it never was!


I don’t blame the guy even a li’l bit. Coz I never even hinted that I liked him that way. We were just always ‘friends’. And about the other gal, I dunno what happened with them but I hope he gets someone worthy of him. It’s impossible to hate someone on whom you once had a crush on and who broke your heart, but hey…there was a time when u liked him a lot!! I wish him all the very best in life coz once he did make me really happy :-)

And I did pull through, and from now on I am keeping in my mind to see if there’s even a slight possibility of the guy liking me before I fall head over heels for him…see, I’ve turned a li’l more practical these days…

A joke

I read this joke in RD and liked it so much and wanted to share it with others...most probably, this might sound funnier to the female sexwale ;-)


Three guys were fishing when one of them hookes a mermaid. She promised to grant each of them a wish if hey'd let her go.

"deal," the first fisherman said." I'd like you to double my intelligence."Immediatly, he began to recite Shakespeare's Macbeth.

"Wow!" the second guy exclaimes. " could you triple my intelligence?". He'd no sooner made the request than he started spouting einstein's equations on the theory of relativity.

"That's amazing!" the third fisherman yelled. " Quintuple my intelligence."

"Are you sure?" the mermaid asked. "You might not like the outcome."

"I'm sure.Just do it," the guy said.

He closed his eyes to wait for the wish to be granted and - poof!- he became a woman!

P.s: Aint it funny?

Its my life!!!

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life



Love this song!! Sometimes this is all I want to say….sometimes all I reaaallly wanna do is shout this loud at some person…but of course, cant do it…so I do the next best thing I play this song as loud as I can…sigh…tired of having to give explanation of each and every thing I do to people. Why I am the way I am and why I like doing things my way… “Why are u doing this? Why that?”…it’s my life for god’s sake…