parting ways...

This is probably gonna be the last post ever from my old pc…coz I got a brand new one!!!
The last one’s the first one I ever had…and been with me for some 5-6 years…god, how excited I was back then about getting a home pc :-).( back then I thought computers where meant mainly for playing games) Had to nag dad over and over again to get me one and when my sis got into engineering, he couldn’t say no any more...

I was pathetic with computers back then (Oh don’t misunderstand, I still am)…I mean, there was a time when I used to think the whole mouse was one button and was afraid to touch it coz I might accidentally press it…I sure have gone a long way from there, whew!
I had never even used the net before…was baffled by a whole new world!Then came the ‘chatting’ era…I used to be reeeaally addicted to chatting…with strangers, friends whoever it was and my parents would absolutely freak out…apparently chatting with strangers can turn into serious stuff. But hey, that didn’t stop me. Didn’t I tell u guys I’m really good at snooping around? ;-)…but once the magic wore off, I was looking for newer stuff…and that’s when I came across the thing called ‘blogs’. I soon had a new addiction (and this one doesn’t seem to wear off anytime soon) and it was quite long after that it struck me ‘hey, why don’t I start one of my own? It’d be pretty cool’. So here I am…

Oops, sorry was talking about my old pc…get sidetracked real soon…with all the love and affection I have in my mind for my old pc, I can never say it was a constant companion..a companion it was…but never constant. I remember the system people had to come over 25 times within half a year or so coz of the troubles this my precious li’l thing made. So much that the system people could recognize our voice over the phone!!

So after putting up with all the fuss for over half a decade we decided to get a new one..a better one :D…and so we did…trust me, it took quite a lot of nagging too. My dad’s the kind who says ‘why need a new one when we already have one which serves the purpose?’ which explains why he never buys a new watch (the old one’s been with him for years and years)…

Some people don’t like changes…and I’m one among ‘em…but I got a new pc…that’s definitely a change I’m not gonna regret…

Dad's home...and so it begins!!!

Dad’s home….suddenly all the things that needed fixing are fixed- the bulb in my room, the geyser everything. And also, my net surfing time becomes as long as an atom’s excitation period…:(((((

Dad and I are both very short-tempered (aakhir beti kiski hoon,Papa? …the genes..make me behave so badly sometimes… rolling my eyes…) and thus it often leads to not-so-pretty ego clashes. Mom’s all mellow and its her who makes up every single time…

When he’s home, I need to snoop around to use the internet and if he catches me…well..u wouldn’t wanna know. Its kinda my routine to come online every night (almost) after 10 and mom doesn’t have a prob. with it (technically speaking, I’m not sure she know what I’m doing upstairs after 10, prob. thinks I’m studying and ahem! Do I wanna change that? :D…and she’s much too lazy to come upstairs and check out what I’m doing…dad sure doesn’t mind the energy lost in coming upstairs *sigh*)…

And today…as I was talking to my friends, here he comes…all charged up. If theres one thing I surely hate, it is people listening to private convo or in this case somebody staring at the monitor while I’m talking to my pals and its amazing how my family’s sooo good at the ONE thing that makes me go aaaaaarrrggghhh!!! And so he sat right infront of pc, staring at the monitor, I had minimized all the dialog boxes (Hey, don’t go imagining stuff , I’m a good girl..nothing in there that I would have a prob. showing my dad ;)…just that I absolutely despise it when people don’t respect others privacy)….

Coming to think of it now, I think it was a pretty funny scene- dad and I sitting infront of the pc, faces all screwed up in anger…and I did the only thing I could- put on the songs that he hates like ‘she’s a rebel’ by greenday which are like much too fast he says…that too in max. volume( when I wanna irritate somebody, I can irritate him to the core, ahem!)….total silence ( if u don’t take into account the song, of course)…two people just sitting there looking at the desktop. I swore not to break the silence first..and he’s my dad- can be pretty stubborn at times. I don’t know how long it lasted, longer than ‘she’s a rebel’ and ‘boulevard of broken dreams’ for sure …and finally he disconnected net and stormed outta the room…leaving me to type out this post and save it for later….

10 minutes from the figh…now now let me go downstairs and sort out the whole issue….

Bringing out the Olive leaf….going downstairs waving it at a very pissed off man…
P.S: Have to go off the net now...doi need explain the reason? hehehe...

The One...

I just saw this program where the leading lady, about to get married, decided not to do so. Coz he wasn’t ‘The One’. Coz she didn’t feel what she was doing was completely right…I have seen the same thing happen in many many movies…and it pisses me off soo much…

I do think that romance and Love are over-rated these days. This might sound a li’l surprising for people who know me coz I’m the kinda girl who listens to soft love songs all the time and drools over romantic movies and hunks. But seriously, I do. I’m not dumb enough to believe that there’s one perfect person for everyone and once u are with him/her eventually, everything else will be fine.

The way I see it is like this…. there’s no perfect person, there’s just a perfect relationship where the two people know each other extremely well and still like each other for what they are. Two perfectly compatible people who happen to like spending time with each other and would like to evolve together.

Here’s something that I saw in a movie…the lady talks about why everybody wants to get married…

“ we all are afraid that we’ll live our lives and grow old without anyone actually caring a bit. When a man marries a woman, its their way of telling each other that ‘i'll be your witness...i'll care for each and everything happening in your life’ and thus it makes 'em feel wanted ”.

And I think its sooo true. We, humans, dread loneliness and thus by marrying we are making sure that we don’t ever have to be alone, that we’ve somebody with us throughout the journey of life. That we’ve somebody to hold onto in times of hardship.

I’ve earlier made a post on my ‘prince charming’ knowing very well that such a person does not exist. But that’s the beauty of the concept of marriage. My heart somehow wants me to believe that somehow I’ll run into a person like this(any resemblance to Bollywood movies is a total co-incidence :D) and we’ll live happily ever after…(could u get any more girlish than this??? Blushing…)

And the practical side of me keeps on telling me that this is all a myth….. Like the way kids look forward to Santa Claus bringing ’em gifts, adults hope to find a perfect partner to bring ‘em eternal happiness (which in itself is a utter nonsense).

Been thinking about marriage and stuff these days coz my sister is fast approaching ‘marriable age’ (ahem!) by Indian standards…prince charming or not, I just hope he keeps her happy and appreciate how lucky he is to have found her…*sigh*

children and me????...oh, well....

This is one of the reasons I think I’m a li’l weird. I’m not exactly fond of children. Well…babies are fine. Coz all they do is mostly sleep through out. And I have to tell u; I gel quite well with people around my own age. It’s just the children around 3-8 yrs who obviously need babysitting and constant un-diverted attention (or god knows what they’re gonna pull…) that I particularly don’t like spending time with.

And hey, its not like I hate ‘em or something. Just that spending time with ‘em is sooo exhausting. The topic came up coz today our guests had a li’l boy and as the only non-grownup (god knows why they say so…I’m over 18 people!!!) in the house, I was obliged to take care of him. That was pretty difficult coz the only thing he was constantly asking was this, ‘athentha? Ithentha?’ (What’s this? What’s that?). And I had to follow him all through out the house and supply him with things that interested him (do I sound bitter? Oh no, people. I’m not…damn, I’m so bad at lying..).I had to act like I was totally enjoying what I was doing with occasional baby talks (yuck!) to keep him entertained. And that’s not exactly my kinda thing.

The funny thing is girls of my age actually seem to enjoy the company of children. Most of my friends go ‘sshoo shweeet!’ whenever they see a baby while I go, thank god I don’t have to baby-sit this one…(and I’m supposed to be a woman…might’ve misplaced my womanly instincts somewhere..)

I think this is partly because being the younger one in my family I myself can never stop being a child (I think I’m contradicting myself now). Like peter pan, the boy who never grew up. As u might know from the previous posts, I refuse to take up responsibilities for things I should, which’s a pretty non grown-up thing to do. Likewise accepting the fact that you are a child no more is one of the things that I never see myself doing (OK, maybe when I’ve children of my own, I’ll…but as of now, I don’t see anything of that sort in eons!!!).

But if u watch me, chance is that u might not exactly notice my disinterest in children. As I don’t like freaking out people (read as my mom totally forbids to do so) I try to act like being with a child is the greatest joy in the world. And as far as I think, haven’t succeeded at it much. I’m not what you’d call a hit with children….

Well…well…no surprises there….:D

Have u done wht u needed to do today???

My sister works for this company in B’lore and at times is pretty busy with her work & it had been a while since I talked to her.

You know the feeling when you just need to talk to someone right at that moment? I was trying to study today when her thought crept into my mind and I just had to call her. Fortunately, she picked up the phone. To tell you the truth, she wasn’t busy coz she was in the loo and was like ‘Its Ok, we can talk’…that felt soo weird that I hung up after asking her to call back once she was done. I mean, people just don’t talk over the phone while they pee, do they? Ok, coming back….

This is one of the reasons I look up to her so much (Di, I know U’re reading this…just remember, I DON’T mean anything I say in here…:D). She has this exam coming up sometime in Feb. Apparently she had to work late till 10pm yesterday, then she took a cab home, did some household chores (they’re some pals staying together in an apt. so everybody has their own share of it, late ya not late) and then she actually did some real studying for sometime. What she told me went something like this, “its such a nice feeling u get when u get into bed knowing you’ve done all the things you could’ve”. She sometimes says these li’l things that makes me go Boing!! And the funny thing is that she doesn’t seem to realize it.

What she made me think about the last time I had such a feeling and to my horror…I couldn’t remember. When u can’t remember the last time you’ve done something really satisfactory, trust me…u know something isn’t right. I’ vent done what you’d technically call studying for a pretty long time now…not just studies, things that I’m supposed to do which I don’t do. And it scares me…more than that, it bothers me.

Whatever I do, the guilt, the botheration is always there…lingering around me…its like having someone whisper ‘ u know you shouldn’t be doing this while U’re supposed to do this another thing’ in your ears all the time.

I wish I could bring myself to listen to that ‘someone’…I really do. But apparently, will power isn’t one among the things god thought I needed (I know, I know…its something u need to develop yourself…*sigh*).

Hopefully I’ll acquire some in the near future….. and change for the better….

P.S: by the way, did I tell you that I’m supposed to be studying right now? :D

Friends...forever???

This post goes out to a very special ex-best friend of mine, S, with whom I shared all my childhood fantasies and aspirations.

Our friendship goes waaay back to 3rd std. Well, back then we weren’t in much amicable terms. We both had a common friend, A, about whom we were both very possessive about, and it was more like competition for A’s attention than friendship (With A enjoying the whole thing immensely, of course). I still remember clearly the day S put a mutton piece inside my beautifully rolled chappathi (by the way, I’m a pure- and I mean, 100% pure- veggie) and I vomited all over the class after innocently eating it (I know, poor li’l me…. U’re a bad girl, S. shame on u!!!)

Fast forward to 7th std. That was the year the students got shuffled into different classes & A got transferred to another class (personally, I think it was all for the best…Coz we’re pretty much drifting apart. ‘swaram nannavumbo pattu nirthunnathalle budhi’). Suddenly we were thrown into each other’s company along with 2 of our other best friends (u know, what these lower grades are like….best friends, friends, OK ones, khadoos ones…total chaos!).

That’s when we started to really like each other and bond with one another. She and I used to stay at school till 5.30 coz her bus came late and my dad, as usual, was always late (rolling my eyes :D )…we used to hang out with a gang of friends who’d leave my 4.30 or so. Then we’d roam around the school premises, gossiping about how we thought ‘this girl’ supposedly had a bf (ohhh…what a shocking news it was, back then!) and similar stuff. ;-)…

We grew much closer over the next couple of years…i.e., until 10th std. After that she joined a school and me another. One thing she (&probably me too) was lousy at was keeping connections. The frequent phone calls became rarer and even rarer…

We still call each other up on b’days and on special occasions like X’mas eve. But it aint the same anymore. What I wanted to tell u, S, was that even though I’m blessed with a few good friends…but I do miss what we had together..…

I still think about the good ol’ times we had…dreaming of achieving goals (however ridiculous it might be) together hand in hand…how u promised me (OK, how I made u promise) that I’d the maid of honour at ur wedding…how we both drooled over titanic for weeks…how u’d roll ur eyes over how often my crushes changed…how I was afraid to talk to u about the trauma u were goin’ through coz I was afraid I’dnt know what to say (I was in 7th grade, for god’s sake, people!)…..

One thing I can promise u, my dear friend, is that the memories are still afresh…after all, it’s hard to forget those ‘first things’…first love, first kiss, likewise…my very first true best friend…

I will always and always treasure u as the friend I lost to time….

My Prince Charming....

OK, I got tagged…and I’m supposed to write 8 points regarding ‘mera woh' (I prefer not to use the term ‘dream lover’ coz then I’d say any look-alike of Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom with the charisma of Richard Gere and the musical abilities of Bryan Adams would do :D )…though the whole making up 8 points was pretty exhausting to some of my pals, to my surprise…once I started putting ‘em down, it was like on and on and on…. and on! So guys, if u don’t mind this’s going to one huge list…. be prepared for the drooling and dreamy stuff in between :D….


And I’m gonna leave out all the should be loving, caring, understanding, always loyal to me, respectful to my feelings and other obvious part behind…. and go straight into things that I specially look for in my ‘prince charming’. (And so the drooling starts…D)

1) Should love to travel. My whole family loves traveling, so do I…I love the feeling of goin’ to a new place, wandering around, seeing and experiencing strange things…it’d be quite fabulous to have a partner to share the whole feeling with…

2) Should be an average if not avid reader. I just can’t stand people who go ‘oh, books? I haven’t read a single book other than the ones I was made to!’. Books are one of the things that gets me goin’ and one of the foremost things that connect me to another individual. So, it’d be important for him to be well read so we can connect at that level too.

3) Should fit like a jigsaw piece into my family, should love and respect ‘em. To me, my family comes first…everything else is secondary. So if he could never feel part of our family…. guess he could never be ‘my’ family.

4) I’m a li’l over-the-top kinda person…some things just make me go totally hyper…it’d be perfect if he tends to go hyper about some things that he’s passionate about too…so that our eccentricity wavelengths can match ;-)

5) Should be a movie buff. And oh yeah, should be able to at least stand if not love movies like Pretty Woman, Titanic, My best friend’s wedding, DDLJ etc which are my all time fav. Romantic movies…(taking a sec…to think abt them…. LOTS of drooling..:D)…Hey, I’dnt mind watching ‘the fast and the furious’ or some dumb premier league match for him…so he better do the same too…:D

6) Should be a good conversationalist. Good listener and also should talk quite a bit..(I tend to belong to the talkative kind)…and must have a good sense of humor…and not ‘ jee, woh joke tha?’ kinda person. Should be able to make me laugh.

7) And of course, should be romantic. Oh no, not the mushy romantic poems likhne- wala type. But should have no problem in expressing his love and affection for me in his own sweet and not-so-mushy way. Can be macho at times…(bikes, his lady ;-) ring a bell, someone? …Ahem! ahem!) ..but shouldn’t be the wearing-a-mask-over-his-emotions kind.

8) And lastly and most importantly…should gimme a reason to look forward to waking up each and every morning and be thankful to god that I’m alive…should be my ‘fire’ (not to be interpreted as something like me getting Goosebumps or goin weak on my knees every time I see him) and should continue to do so till all eternity…


Guess that’s all I want from my prince. Now, now…this isn’t asking too much, is it? ;-)

And I’m tagging..…alcott and akhil

??? FreeBird ???

Posted by ‘free bird’…. blog address is ‘tobeafreebird’…. u might think ‘why is this girl so hell obsessed with this ‘free bird’ thing?’ Lemme explain….

For me, a person who has always wished to be free from all kinds of pressures and I’m sad to say responsibilities from life, free bird stands for ultimate liberation (OK, don’t confuse this with ‘moksha’…I’m not saying in an aesthetic kinda way)…

I’ve always felt somehow trapped…trapped within the realms of the society, expectations of my parents, my own dreams and ambitions, my fears, my hopes…. everything. I’ve always wanted to feel what its like to be totally, ultimately free…. not to give a damn about anything…. never having to bother about which direction U’re going…and where it leads…what the future holds…

Like a freebird…fly away in whatever direction Ur heart says. And not bother about anything and everything…except feel the wind rushing through and the clouds floating above…

And what makes me want this even more is the knowledge that this is something I could never ever have…coz of my duties as a daughter, as a student, as an individual and also coz this world is much too practical to listen all this crap.

Which is why, I’ve to continue living the way I’m doing right now…meaningful to the world, but totally and unsatisfied thro’ my eyes…and probably is the way I’ll have to live in the future too…coz as we grow up, the only thing bound to increase is responsibilities…sigh!!!