Alright, alright...its me

I got caught last night. Someone from my class figured out freebird was my alter ego **smiles sheepishly**

I was chatting with the dude-who-caught-me when he informed me of this grave matter **Oh well..:-D**

Him: Hey, I found out who freebird is
Me: freebird? The gal u’ve been trying to find?
Him: yup, it’s this gal **** in this college *** (making up an imaginary girl in sme college)
Me: (thinking what the heck…) how didya figure it out?
Him: I traced her to so-and-so blah blah blah

I was almost sure he knew. Damn it, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…Oh, yeah it did. Power failure. I just sat there staring at the monitor in total darkness muttering curses when Satan took pity on me and the current came :-)

Me rushing back to continue the conversation.

Me: ohhhk, did u tell her that u knew? Have u seen her?

And then he goes on acting all weird, saying stuff I didn’t get…something about everything he said being his imagination or whatever….I was like on fire.

Me: what the hells goin’ on, dude-who-caught-me?
Him: Ok, I wanna hear it from U.
Me: (trying to decide if I should just continue acting or just come out clean) Hear wht?
Him: that U’re freebird.
Me: freebird? Me? Are u kidding me?
Him: u want me to point out the reasons?
Me: yeah, sure go ahead

The denial thing didn't go that well :D Had to sit and watch the dude in action, bringing out the evidence one by one. I was a li'l distracted coz its hard to concentrate while you are kicking yourself for being dumber than a mule.

I've left traces of myself in each and every single post (again courtesy to dude-who-caught-me for pointing that out). Most coz I'm a person who thinks 'dil-se' rather than 'dimaag-se'. Just can't help!

“The day someone figures out I’m freebird will be the day I stop Blogging” or so I said to myself during the early-blog days.

Now that someone has, I can’t stop. I can’t ditch this blog. I’ve become way too attached to this.

It’s almost like throwing away your book of crazy scribblings for fear of someone else reading it. You just can’t throw it away no matter what. Coz it’s a little piece of you.

I just can’t do it.

I won’t. **voice quivering with stron emotion like the heroine's who's just been asked to give up her true love, mr.filthy-rich-yet-down-to-earth-guy **

Also the dude who found out is also kinda a whack-job like me ;-) So don’t have to worry too much about him.

So we decided to go on like last night’s conversation never happened. Start all over. Pretend like he didn’t know.

So in the end, we left it like this.

Him: Hey, U blog?

Me: blog??Ehh? What’s a blog? :D

The God of small things

They were, all three of them, wearing saris, (old ones, torn in half) that day, Estha was the draping expert. He pleated Sophie mol’s pleats. Organized Rahel’s pallu and settled his own. They had red bindis on their foreheads. In the process of trying to wash out Ammu’s forbidden kohl, they had smudged it all over their eyes, and on the whole looked like three raccoons trying to pass off Hindu ladies.

* * *

They visited him in saris, clumping gracelessly through red mud and long grass and introduced themselves as Mrs.Pillai, Mrs.Eapen and Mrs.Rajagopalan. Velutha introduced himself and his paralyzed brother Kuttappen (although he was fast asleep). He greeted them with utmost courtesy. He addressed them all as Kochamma and gave them fresh coconut water to drink. He chatted to them about the weather. The river. The fact that in his opinion coconut trees were getting shorter by the year. As were the ladies in Ayemenem. He introduced them to his surly hen. He showed them his carpentry tools, and whittled them each a little wooden spoon.

It is only now, these years later, that Rahel with adult hindsight recognized the sweetness of that gesture. A grown man entertaining three raccoons, treating them like real ladies. Instinctively colluding in the conspiracy of their fiction, taking care not to decimate it with adult carelessness. Or affection.

It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of dream carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain.

To let it be, as Velutha did, is much harder thing to do.


Arundhati Roy,
The God of small things.



I finished reading the book yesterday night.

And the excerpt given above is my most fav. Part of the book. The more I read it, the more I appreciate it.

People, who themselves are afraid of dreaming in case they might not come true, who tell others who do to stop dreaming ‘unrealistic’ dreams. Who ask kids to shed their innocence and grow up. Who fail to hear the voice of the kid within themselves.

Being told by many “grown-ups” that I live in ‘my own fantasy world’ and hearing statements like ‘Open your eyes to the real big bad world’ every once in a while, I wish there were more people like ‘Velutha’ around.

A (study?) vacation

I’ve been busy ‘relaxing’ during the study vacation (read too lazy to even type a post :-D).
And this study vacation I’ve proudly reached the greatest height of my laziness (sadly?)…
So here goes…One useless day during “study vacation” in the life of freebird…

Waking up at…Ok, people I know this is gonna be a shocker…at around 12 noon. Less stress on the food section since my breakfast and lunch now gets moulded into one.

After going through the newspapers while having my coffee (morning ya noon, I can’t survive without my ‘morning’ coffee).

Then I call this friend of mine and we talk for some time (15-30 min to say the least) about...hmm…coming to think of it, we should be given an award to find things to talk about for such long time considering that we haven’t even stepped outta the house in a few days. Yeah, you guessed it…too lazy to step outta the house…nothing like the comforts of home...**aaah**).

And then I proceed to read all the blogs that have been added to my list. And I think, I’ve added each and every blog I’ve ever come across in my life to this list and needless to say hence consumes precious ‘hours’ in my otherwise so constructive life. Never knew Blogging could be sooo addictive. *sigh*

It would be around 4-5 in the eve by now. Now its time for me to decide (for the umpteenth time) that it’s high time I started studying.

Proceed to take a looong, refreshing bath…and off with the books to the terrace where I try to concentrate on the thing I’m supposed to. Well…you know…that never seem to happen.
So while I’m in the battle mom comes home from the office and I (happily) proceed to talk to her about her day; not to forget eating the yummy pastries she brings (is made to bring?) home.

And I like to read while I eat (and vice versa for that matter) so I take up whatever book (never the study wala ones, of course) that’s nearby and then Voila! All of a sudden even the dumbest of all books turns interesting like never before!

So I read the magazine/book whatever, watch practically anything (except for the bloody tear jerky soaps) they put on TV these days…and just laze around.

Then maybe study for half-an-hour and then Tada...its dinner time.

I have dinner while reading/watching TV and then I’m off to surfing the net….chatting away with friends, catching up on the rest of the blogs blah blah blah…till 2-3 am sometimes.

Each day is like the replay of the day-before.

Now that I’ve come to think of it, could anyone BE more useless that moi right now?

‘Living like a pig’; that’s how my sis describes living like this. And trust me, I do feel quite ‘piggish’ sometimes:-D

The exams are on June 6th till June 30th. And if I don’t start studying properly by now, I can say for sure that there’s gonna be a post titles “I’m soo screwed!” after June 30th.

Freebird takes an oath to wakeup real ‘early’ (8am?) and study hard from now on….

Keeping my fingers crossed….

A rebel without a cause?

We all have this habit of us wanting to believe in something which we probably don’t.

Like in eternal peace or sometimes even religion.

I dunno why but I have this dumb habit of making myself believe the freaky-not-even-worth-convincing-myself things. Things that doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not. Dunno why I do that.

For one, I used to think that I hate non-veg jokes. Now why the hell would I wanna convince myself that I don’t like non-veg jokes?

I dunno. But I did. And for sometime, I think I even succeeded in fooling myself.

That was until I found out actually I enjoyed “all sortsa” jokes. And it surprised me….and even more, I found out I could crack non-veg jokes too. Whoa! :-O

Another thing that I “thought” I hated was swearing. Apparently, I couldn’t stand swearing.

Then I started swearing…at the lowest level. You know, just a teeny tiny “S**t” when things don’t go my way.

And now today, I used the F word at this friend of mine, who was trying to piss me off and well, succeeded a li’l for sure! I used the F word for the first time in my life and I supposedly hate swearing.

Surprise! Surprise!

It didn’t feel bad. Didn’t feel anything at all.

That was when I knew I didn’t care a damn about swearing.

And I remember I’ve had this dumb habit all my life.

While I was in 7th grade, I used to pretend that I “idolized” Sachin Tendulkar, when I knew that I didn’t give a damn if he was still in the team or not. And I used to have lotsa pics of him; maybe I just wanted to show my pals that I too admired someone madly. After a while, I think I grew tired of fooling myself.

But then again, there are certain things which you convince yourself soo badly that eventually you start believing in it.

I think it was the time after I lost my “interest” in Sachin, that I started channeling my energy into this other celebrity.

He was much younger, which I think was the most appealing thing about him. And yeah, also he was rich and famous. That also helps, by the way.

At certain point, I lost control of what was happening, and started getting obsessed. Obsessed as hell.

For 5 freakin’ years. (Omg, it’s been that long???:-O)

The things I did, I’m ashamed of myself. *Blushing*

I’m almost sure that I was even more nervous than him, when he was competing against his biggest rival in years, in Olympics 2004. I almost couldn’t watch that race coz I was soo freaked out. And when he did win, I won!!! Crazy!!!

I still have the hundreds of photos of him that I used to drool over every single day, in my pc.

And I can’t bring myself to delete them even now. Traces of feelings I once had still lingers.

Even now when I hear his name, I listen. Even now, when I hear he broke his arm I feel a li’l something in here.

Feels like he’s someone I grew up with. Which’s partly true. Only that he doesn’t know that fact.

Now, I’m moved on. For better, I guess.

I wonder how many things I’m bound to discover along the way that I thought I believed in and which I probably didn’t.

Maybe all I wanted was a cause to stand by for.

A rebel without a cause, that’s what I am.

p.s: i'm almost sure this doesn't make any sense, but hey...whatever!!!