Rainymood

My moods are like sine waves these days. I spent the whole of yesterday not talking to anyone if you don't count the "can you pass me the salt?" that is. And today I am back to the naïvely-optimistic-me-mode. M suggested I do at least one thing productive every day. I think he thinks I am going insane. Which just *might be* true.

2011 has been a complete bitch till now. You know that year that you want to fast forward? Yeah, that one.

Things have not been the same since March.  Ever since I brought the Christian boy home. The fact that I still haven’t found a job doesn’t help. So now I am in Bangalore; in between searching for jobs, trying to get the parents to stop referring to him as ‘The Trap’ (insert straight face here) and trying to make my peace with the joblessness, my day passes. My Thrissur chronicles at that sonofabitch’s coaching centre, that whole year, was hell for me. It took me years but I have come to peace with it and now when I look back all I can think of is how it made me so  much stronger. Thrissur has repaid me in the best way possible (the Christian boy, if you must know) and someday, and please god let that someday come soon, I hope I can look back on this as the lessons learnt and not the frustration-filled weeks that went by.

I don’t regret the past two years even for a second. They think it’s a big mistake, that I have changed a lot and not in ways they would like me to yada yada, but I know how wonderfully liberating the past two years have been for me. I know I have changed and moved more towards the self I want to be. It has darker shades as well, but that’s okay. Life is not about being perfect and pleasing others, but about embracing whatever you are. And I am going to hold on to that. 

By the way, you, thanks for the sennheiser love. They’re great when I feel like shutting out the rest of world.