WhatEver!

Rainymood

2011-05-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

My moods are like sine waves these days. I spent the whole of yesterday not talking to anyone if you don't count the "can you pass me the salt?" that is. And today I am back to the naïvely-optimistic-me-mode. M suggested I do at least one thing productive every day. I think he thinks I am going insane. Which just *might be* true.

2011 has been a complete bitch till now. You know that year that you want to fast forward? Yeah, that one.

Things have not been the same since March. Ever since I brought the Christian boy home. The fact that I still haven’t found a job doesn’t help. So now I am in Bangalore; in between searching for jobs, trying to get the parents to stop referring to him as ‘The Trap’ (insert straight face here) and trying to make my peace with the joblessness, my day passes. My Thrissur chronicles at that sonofabitch’s coaching centre, that whole year, was hell for me. It took me years but I have come to peace with it and now when I look back all I can think of is how it made me so much stronger. Thrissur has repaid me in the best way possible (the Christian boy, if you must know) and someday, and please god let that someday come soon, I hope I can look back on this as the lessons learnt and not the frustration-filled weeks that went by.

I don’t regret the past two years even for a second. They think it’s a big mistake, that I have changed a lot and not in ways they would like me to yada yada, but I know how wonderfully liberating the past two years have been for me. I know I have changed and moved more towards the self I want to be. It has darker shades as well, but that’s okay. Life is not about being perfect and pleasing others, but about embracing whatever you are. And I am going to hold on to that.

By the way, you, thanks for the sennheiser love. They’re great when I feel like shutting out the rest of world.

Growing up..

2011-01-28T07:15:00.001-08:00

It just struck me today that this blog is almost four years old. Started with so much enthusiasm, like I always do, somewhere down the lane pushed to the back of my mind by so many things, half of which was dealt with like a life-or-death issue but which I laugh playfully at now..But it always comes up every now and then, and I give in. Well, at times.

I have discovered new songs and playlists to play in infinite loops, known what love and heartache truly means, become a certified engineer, moved to a new city, become almost-an-mba, known the pangs of job hunting (first true taste of the real world, I guess), found friendships that I know will last a lifetime, gasped at the old ones are now wives and mothers, seen the sister get married and settled and happy (still not grown up if you ask me), discovered and added new favorites- books, authors, people, places, memories, pleasant and unpleasant things about myself and others, undergone a makeover (well I mentioned moving to Bombay, didn’t I?), forgiven and forgotten people, seen dad retire, moved past few of my insecurities, become more confident, and gotten more comfortable being myself. I have realized that growing up is not that difficult once you learn to differentiate between the things which are important and which are not, but once in a while nose diving into those childhood memories always helps.

As I look back on the 18 year old me (who is responsible for all the teen angst initial posts, late bloomer I was) amusingly, all I can think of how the 27 year old me is going to look at the present- me, and chuckle.

27th November 2010

2010-11-30T09:17:00.001-08:00

Birthdays would be my favorite thing ever if it weren’t for the growing older part.

Started the day cutting Birthday cake in the hostel with my girls, opening the many gifts they very generously got me, bonus points for the picking up the not-so-subtle hints I have been dropping for some time now. I could not get the thought that by next year all of us will be working, dispersed throughout India probably, some even married out of my mind.

Early morning called for a haircut, nothing like a haircut to make you feel all sexy. Even if it’s for a day.

Then someone sweet enough to remember me telling him reading Amar Chithra Katha is like opening the door to my childhood gifted me the entire set of Amar Chithra Katha ‘Mahabharata series’. And the screenplay of Before Sunrise/ Before Sunset my favorite romance flick, you know the one which always surprises and cheers you up no matter how many times you have watched it. The movie you love so much it could very well have been your baby.

Lunch at Jughead’s with couple of my favorite people in the city and by evening I got all dressed up for dinner at Not just jazz by the bay, the one near Marine Drive, the one which has been up there on our places-to-eat list for some time. After a quick walk along marine drive (which has suddenly sprung to life after I started my wearing specs by the way) we got the best seats there, right at the extreme end, the one facing the sea.

Dinner with all my favorite things combined, and some flowers later, it was time to finally turn twenty-four.

Looking back at how the day went, turning 24 might not be *just* that bad, you know.

Happy Birthday to me!

Reassurance

2010-05-29T03:24:00.000-07:00

It's a Saturday and even though I've been waiting for the weekend to come, when it actually does, all I want to do is..nothing.

It has been a long long time since I woke up in a house all alone, and strangely for a person who hates being alone, I like it. The silence seem to clear up a lot of stuff inside my head and everything seems to be moving at my own pace. A songs pops up on my play list, one I used to be very much addicted to. But this one's a different version and weirdly this is very much what is going on as well. I love how I have songs associated with each phase of my life and how every time I hear it, I get teleported there, each song is like a box full of memories.

Blog hopping has become a habit these days, a habit long-forgotten since the engineering days. Now that I'm doing my summer internship with not much work I have been reading a lot. On the net, i.e. My real reading habits have seemed to withered out with my growing net addiction.

I had almost fallen out of the reading, writing habit (blogs and otherwise) but thanks to those amazing blogs I have come back to my old flame.

Sunday Highs

2010-01-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Sundays are the best thing to happen to mankind or what? (after Brad Pitt ofcourse), it is the light at the end of presentations (read mba) tunnel .
Watch a movie late into Saturday night knowing you get to wake up late the next day, get up and rush to Madras Cafe, Matunga (can it be called Tradition if its just a month old? :D) for a brunch that will make up for all the shitty food throughout the week. *gets high thinking of the hot the-exact-right-amount-of-crispy-vada and the divine filter coffee*

Get back, rejoice in the joy of laziness and wait for some good soul to come with up a plan for the evening and hop right in when they do. The best Sundays are when we end up going for some play and finally end up at Marine drive. Makes u wish there was a pause button for life.

Quite funnily, it’s doing the little nothings that makes me feel most alive.

I now know...

2009-10-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, we had gone to Goa last weekend. We were thinking bright, sunny, dry Goa (I can be ridiculously optimistic at times) and we got wet,drippy,rainy Goa. Which proves the point that you cannot go to Goa and Not have fun :-)

Beaches are not something you can ever get used to. It will charm you every single time. And make you yearn for more.

Long walk on the beach- Good idea.

Going without telling anybody and freaking them out- Not so good idea :|

Goa or not, in the sea or not, there’ll always be pervert bus stop-ish guys trying to grab you whenever they can.

Accidentally saying something you should never ever tell anybody and then apologizing many times later might not work.

Bike ride in the rain is f.u.n :-)

Salted Lime Soda saves tired exhausted souls.

Goan churches make you wish you were Christian.

Trying to catch some sleep on a tempo traveler is very very difficult. Sitting right behind the driver who is merrily singing along to his precious collection of saddest-lamest-romantic-songs-of-90s does.not.help.

P.S: I was hoping we'd run into Rockus and was pestering crazy-boy-twism like crazy to see to it that we do, too bad he never got around to reaching there in the first place :D

P.P.S: The Dil Chahta Hai pic is a cliche, I know. I just don't care.

Stories of the Songs

2009-08-05T11:34:00.001-07:00

For those who planted the memories..

Kannaam Thumpi--- Who else but her :-) Story of sisters. Story of my life.

Asalaayi,onnu randu and many more annoying songs--- Of them, my friends, If they weren’t obsessed with irritating me the songs I’dve gladly missed, but now I happily remember.

Fix You--- My-music- library-friend. The weirdo, of the fun types :D

Annie’s song--- Of him, who taught me what songs are for.

Aayiram Kannumai--- Of all the times like these when I’ve wanted to write down things. The extreme times.

Schnappi--- Of Roshna. Although I wonder if she remembers.

Chandanamanivaathil--- Of the girl who knows Malayalam songs in and out.

And finally,

Ambalanadayil--- My darling Amma. For this is the only song (tune?) she has ever sung :-)

Better get started

2009-06-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

There might or might not be a university lab exam tomorrow and me being the optimist I’m the text/Photostat has been put away the minute I heard ‘hartal’.

Also, I’m moving to Bombay next week. It seems like a crime to call it Mumbai when it has such a beautiful name.

With 50 odd movies left to see, tons of songs a friend gave me (give me a year and I will finish it :D) , calling up people to say bye, a course viva and lab exam to wade through, packing which like always I’ll end up doing the day before, trying to make Amma get all emotional and tell me how much she’s going to miss me ..surprisingly she’s become tougher, trying to get my sister to send me all her pretty skirts without making her give me her all-so-famous don't-lose-Perspective speech (just kidding, enne kollalle), closing some not-so-pretty chapters, promising to keep the good one going… the to-do list goes on and on…

Square One

2009-06-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

These days (past year?) my blogging has hit an all time low. When I first started blogging, all I knew was I wanted to be out there, writing. It was my own thing.

But then as you move forward, you begin to introspect. I decided I don’t want to write stuff too personal (I should’ve thought this before I poured out my soul and eccentricities here :-|) ,that I don’t want to come across as some normal girl with the same normal thoughts. I wanted to write the cool edgy stuff, coming across as cold(there’s something sexy about not giving a fuck) and…ungirly?

Well..now I’ve realised that I can write only about stuff I know. And quite frankly (and narcissistically) the only thing I’m that sure about is my own thoughts and decided not to fight it.

In short, I’m back where I started.

Can Men and Women be “just friends”??

2009-03-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

Of Course Not!!

21st century or not, isn’t it obvious that the only fun men and women can have together is the physical type only?

Like yesterday I saw this guy and girl going on a bike together :O Oh how dare they, how dare they save money and fuel by going on a bike together. I mean don’t they know you’re not even supposed to look a guy in the eye unless it is your pati parameshwar, let alone sit that close? On top of that they were flirting throughout…Don't temme you dunno that men and women do not talk, they only flirt. Period.

I know a gang of friends, which includes men and women, who pretend they’re “just friends”. But its so obvious that they secretly lust for each other. I know that because when they’re all together they actually have a good time. They laugh, they crack jokes and they hang out. Obviously there’s something other than friendship going on because friendship is definitely not about having fun, getting along well and understanding each other. Its all about going around blogs and dropping comments so thought provoking I’m sure his IQ and shoe size are the same.

I got this one correct. Right guys?

Adieu to the friendly neighbourhood dog..

2008-12-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

She came into our lives as a puppy, very much in need of help.

As the Corporation people took her away today, the colony lost their beloved pet of 4 years.

Few little known facts about her :-

she had the weirdest most ridiculous name any animal could ever have- 'Sukesini' (coined by some real creative kids in our colony :D)
must've been hot in bed. I remember her boyfriend of one mating season, who disappeared after that ,coming back all the way from god-knows-where in the next mating season.
laziest thing ever. Made me wish I was a dog at times.
went bravely with the corporation people without any sign of fear.

So heres to her,
laziest dog I've ever met. Also the bravest.

Bliss...

2008-10-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

Visit to sister's place in B'lore. The Entire family together after a long time. The fights start soon after, of course. Unlimited supply of chocolates. Shopping at sisters and bro-in-laws expense. Having someone to laugh with at mom's unbelievable idioticity. Frequent makes-me-wanna-kill-myself kinda advice saga from sis who by the way is the laziest and most irresponsible person I've ever met. Laughing stupidly, no hysterically not to mention very loud at some mall (the joke? Don't ask me :|) causing people to stare and not giving a damn. Typing a blog entry after ages with sis sleeping next to me.

Does weekends get better than this? :) :)

Passing thought...

2008-03-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

From the very little I know about Love...

Love doesn't come with assurance (we will get married someday), conditions (you need to be this/ have this to be worthy) or security (I will never leave you) ; it just comes with the feeling of being wanted, needed. Of belonging with someone. And belonging to someone.

I should..

2008-01-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

wake up before noon everyday.
finish stuff I started (yeah, right :D ..who does that?)
stop trying to figure out why 99% of the people I meet belong to list of the most painfully boring people of the century (like I aint, I know already.)
wax my arms and legs.
break a certain habit.
never watch telugu dub movies (lesson learnt from 'Happy Days'. Trust me, thats the last thing I was after I watched that).
keep in touch with old friends.
dig up more stuff about Djokovic.
take up some sport like tennis in my next life so I end up being world famous and a millionare by the time am twenty. Not to mention a hot boyfriend.
stop bitching about how my life is so boring to everything that has an ear.
Get a life. A better one.
figure out a way to be more unemotional and detached.
Update often and let people know I aint dead. Just halfway there.

13 questions to myself at 30

2007-12-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

So, I turned 21 on Nov. 27th. Sigh!
To think in 10 years time, I could be married, settled and with kids! *shudders*

...I prepared a questionnaire to myself at 30.
[Even though I dread the very thought of it].

1 Do you regret the stuff you did during your twenties?
2. Did you stick to your word and marry for love and only love?
3. Did you name your girl ‘Mia’?
4. Do you still fight with your mom?
5. Is turning thirty as bad as you think it is [now]?
6. Are you at least a bit more practical than you are now?
7. Do you laugh as much you used to?
8 Do you still blog? [I have a bad feeling about this].
9. Did you do all the stuff you had planned to do before you turn thirty?
10. Are you still friends with your college mates?
11. . Have you figured out your calling?
12. Are you happy/contented?
13. Is Brad Pitt still hot? [Couldn't help :D]

So this is what happened today...

2007-11-19T08:43:00.000-08:00

I wanted to look him in the eye, so he could see the coldness I felt, and say, stressing each word,
“ I hate you.”

But him, being the person he is, just wouldn’t meet my eye.

Finally something to post about

2007-09-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Hari, who tagged me I've a new post. So coming straight to the tag...

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:

*thinking*….*still thinking*…Gives up. Nope, I just don’t’ have a scar. Yet.

2.What does your phone look like?

Take a deep breath people, you’re looking at the blog of one of the few people in the world who doesn’t own a cell phone. (Big time Courtesy to sis). One of my landlines is that antique looking phone which people ceased to use like zillion years ago. If you ask me, good exercise for the fingers I say.

3.What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Very much plain except for a poster that my sis gave me which says, “30 years from now it won’t matter what shoes you wore, how your hair looked or the jean you bought. What will matter is what you learned and how you used it.”

4.What is your current desktop picture?

Rain falling down through the naalukettu at my mom’s place. Makes me wanna go there every time I look at it.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Ever since I saw Brokeback mountain, I truly believe ‘Love is a force of nature’. So yeah, if that’s what they want, why not? Everybody should’ve their right to be happy.

6.What do you want more than anything right now?

I want chocolate, dad and sis to be home, to just sit home and do nothing tomorrow, travel around the world, to somehow make sure that me and people I love be happy now and forever, people I like to like me back, buy lotsa books, stop getting warning from the library to return the books (I’ll return them, dammit. Its not like I go around the town looking for libraries to steal books from. I mean, C’mon 3 warnings is just too much no matter how overdue the book is :D), have company to watch a movie with, update the blog more often….Now, I didn’t get too carried away, did I?

7. What time were you born?

I’ve asked mom this a thousand times, and I always end up forgetting it the next minute. Anyways undisputedly, it was a very lucky moment for all the weak earthlings :D

8.Are your parents still together?

Yeah, and sometimes I do wonder how.

9.Last person who made you cry?

Somebody I know very well, a li’l too well actually, is going through a very tough and confusing time. Have been thinking about that a lot, and everytime I do I get this sickening feeling inside. I don’t cry, but I just feel that inside.

10. What is your favourite perfume / cologne?

Not very much into perfumes. Anyways the current one, whose name I refuse to mention under any circumstances, smells quite nice.

11.What kinds of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Curly, brownish hair and when it comes to eyes, as long as they radiate a certain warmth I don’t care what color they are.

12.What are you listening to?

“Aayiram kannumai..”
Not much of a surprise to people who know me, I guess. I’ve had a thing for this song since as long as I can remember.

13.Do you get scared of the dark?

I used to, when I was a li’l girl. Thanks to my sis and bro who used this to torture me at every chance possible, my survival instincts kicked in and I grew outta it.

14.Do you like painkillers?

Yes. Wouldn’t know what I’d do without them. Amen to the people who invented them.

15.Are you too shy to ask someone out?

I’dnt say shy. Its more complicated than that. But, yeah.

16.If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Pachcha manga or kaccha aam . I was talking about this to a friend of mine and ever since I’m dying to have some.

17.Who was the last person that made you mad?

Mom. Aren’t mom’s custom made to do that?

18.Who was the last person who made you smile?

Ironically, mom again. She doesn’t sing very often (trust me, singing is definitely not her thing), but every time she does, it makes me smile.

And I hereby tag,

Kartoos, Rockus and sindhya.

Check

2007-08-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

And that's one thing off my list. Almost.

2007-08-05T02:19:00.000-07:00

“Have you decided?”

“So… M.Tech or MBA?”

That seems to be the thing on everybody’s mind ever since fifth sem began.
Turns out a majority have already decided. The rest, like yours truly, are battling their inner demons and desperately trying to figure out which way they wanna go.

I hope I wake up tomorrow morning and find my true calling :D

On a random note, Watch ‘Bridge to Terabithia’. I had almost forgotten how good it feels to begin a movie with zero expectations and finally end up falling in love with it.

‘Someday I'm finally gonna let go
'Cause I know there's a better way
And I wanna know what's over that rainbow
I'm gonna get out of here someday’

- Steve Earle, 'Someday'

By the by,
I am back.

Update

2007-04-09T00:20:00.000-07:00

Not dead, just sick of all the crap!

Perverts Of the Carribean

2007-02-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

There was this article in rediff about "The newest sex goddesses"

I happened to see the pathetic perverts' comments there and it would be a shame, I repeat shame, not to share it with the world.
And as for all you perverts who are jobless enough to post a comment on the whole sex goddess thing, we owe you big time for the laughs.

"she may be one of the beauty woman but not God and dont try to compare with God."

Thanks for clearing that part out, I almost framed their pics and hung them on the pooja room.

Despo 1: "DO YOU FRIENDSHIP WITH MEE"
Despo 2: "YES I WANT TO DO FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU"
Despo1: hay how are you i am your best friend. (Whoa, that was fast)you will contact with me despo1@desposforever.com

I really wish I could contact with you and do friendship, but then again, I don't want to.

"yes really u lok too sexy nad give strong sex appeal to people very sexy"

Yes, the guy's got a point there. Ahem!

"NUDITY CANNOT GO A LONG TO BE TERMED AS GODDESS FOR FULFILMENT OF ETERNAL SOLITUDE.IT REQURIES BEAUTY WITHIN IN HIDDEN FIBRE OF UNDERSTANDING."

*applause* wow, now That was deep!

"hi i m a cool guy .wana to join sexy ,and babes"
"thats is very obvious. i can read your mind...you will do a great progress, just keep walking on the same path of self destruction."

I think I just fell in love with the person who replied to that despo :D

"Not good"

Point noted.

" Not at all good looking figure. I think Indians girls are best."

All the Indian girls out there, Die of gratitude.

"Hey Rediff writter. STOP writting Religious words with this kind of artical. Shame Shame STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame Shame !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I think you made your point very clear, sir. And we're deeply ashamed.

"I love Scarlett Johansson, Angelina jolie, Catherine Zeta Jones are beautiful"

Poor dude has short term memory loss, I suppose. Can't even complete a sentence properly, I feel pity..Its so sad, you pea-brained pathetic pervert.

"This is only beauty, but not God."

Thanks for letting me know. FYI, I did take the sex goddess thing literally.

"she is not be a god as god. she will be a bed girl not good"

She is not??? Sad :

"she is sexy in the world?waste.1 or more time u see and then u talk."

I wish I could more time see and then talk. Sigh!

"Gr8 goddesses - thanks rediff"

"Really Gr8 show. Thanks Rediff. Can u pls make it a regular feature."

I don't think anything more is to be said.
Thankyou Rediff, without you this wouldn't have been possible. Pls do make it a refular feature.

Blast from the past

2007-01-26T17:56:00.000-08:00

“Jeez...You haven’t changed at all…”

“Whoa, look how fat you’ve become…khati kya hai?” *in a sarcastic tone of course*

“Look at her, she won’t even come and talk to us...avalkkentha ithra jada?”

“Aah…our first standard class...I remember this girl so-and-so used to bully me and I got my sister (who was a senior...3rd standard *ahem*) to kick her ass. Ha!"

“The fat girl who used to sit next to me, I forgot her name, once poked me with her pencil...I sooo hated her!” (And we’re supposed to be adults now :D)

“Remember how you stuffed a mutton piece into my chapati and I puked all over this place?”

“I once puked here, here and here” (this statement by yours truly met with disgusted glances from other fellow beings there :D)

“Ooh…look, look…Counter sister, counter sister (that’s the name we had for the sister who stood at the cash counter; dunno her actual name and we studied there for 10 years. Ahem!)…*runs over to her side*…sister, sukhalle? The kids now-a-days, not as goodie-goodie *wink* as we used to be, huh? “

“Oh look, she hasn’t left yet…pressure cooker…Damn!” *pointing at the sister who used to go shhh-sshhh at the tiniest of all noises*

(The chief guests delivering his presidential address and we really couldn’t care less) “Listen, nobody in here is making any noise except for us…”
“So?”
“Really edo, not a single thing has changed..its like we never left the place”
*both laugh their evil-est laughs*
Pressure cooker gives us her annoying look, says “Ssshhh” and goes back to her pretending-to-hear-the-speech-thingie.
And we do our thing, stick out tongues at her (and yeah, we’re perfect ladies, I might add)

Seriously, its like we never left the place.

Some things never change…
Like old friends you grew up with.

Some things never cease to feel good…
Like school reunions :)

The birdie is One

2007-01-20T22:59:00.000-08:00

This blog turned one on Jan 15^th and as weird as it is, I feel guilty, very very guilty, on not wishing her (yes, it’s a her I might add, why you ask? Coz I said so!) on her first birthday. Not in a very come-on-lets-party-mood, so I might just get it done and over with :D

Happy Birthday :) *kisses the monitor*

*cuts the cake and gives everyone a piece*

Life would have been a lot less colorful without you, Kasam se

Cheers!

Rantings, mumblings, insert all synonyms here

2007-01-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

Blogging is the coolest way to “express yourself” now. Tell me the name of a living/breathing creature who doesn’t blog/read blogs and I will tell you where our very own Bin laden is.

Take some...err, a lot of free time, add blog addiction, a cup of weirdness, a tablespoon bitterness and oodles of boredom…Mix them all and what have we got??

Well, if you were me you would get this –

A close introspection of the blogospheric aura, the different species of blogs found here:-

The usual reality-series-blogs bringing you daily *boring* updates from the life of a person who for some reason *read for he/she has nothing better to do* finds blogging very interesting. Yours truly belongs to this class, I might add humbly. These can again be subdivided into:-
- The Oh-my-life-is-so-pathetic-its-amusing-wanna-hear-about-it blogs. Do I wanna hear about it? I tell you dude, NO.
I’ve my own life to brood upon, so no thanks.
-“How-I-survived-this-traumatic-incident-which-left-me-scarred-for-life” kind…screaming for comments like ‘Oh dear, I’m so glad you pulled through it, be careful next time coz we all care a looot’
- My-love-life-is-so-happening-you’ll-love-to-hear-about-it…
“I have found my true love”…before you can even take a breath “Err…I was wrong. He dumped me, I dunno why; we were sooo perrrrfect for each other”
“Do you think he likes me, he did smile at me I tellya”
“He doesn’t even know I exist. Boohoo”
Blub glub gibberish!
-The heres-something-to-make-you-think-coming-from-me-who-has-seen-it-all blog. The blessed, gifted author who is generous enough to share with everybody in the blogosphere the lessons he has learnt leaving us indebted for life. Includes topics explaining why god truly is great (like we didn’t know. Why else is he called God then?? And as for the ‘he’…read this somewhere, if it were a she, she would be considerate enough to make it yearly rather than monthly. That was convincing enough for me.)..Coming back..Yeah, exploring the reason why we are never thankful for what we are, why we are always greedy (I’ll make it easy for you, coz that’s human nature!) yada yada. We really appreciate what you’re doing. We get our daily doses from our homes, so guess what...We don’t care!
- The I-started-a-blog-coz-I-didn’t-have-anything-else-to-do-now-that-I-have-I’m-letting-it-rot-in-blogosphere blogs. Usually have two, three or four unrelated posts. And that’s it. One fine day, blogging aint that fun anymore. Well…for chrissake, have some responsibility to carry on the things you started, people.
The letting-your-creative-juices-out blog –
-The story blog where you put you put up the novelist self for others to see
-The poem blog for people to see the ‘Wordsworth’ in you.
-Photoblogs- looking through your ...err..camera’s eye :D
The group blogs :-
College blog, classmates blog, girls gang blog, benchmates blog etc etc
The ‘He-blogs-so-I-blog’ blog. The w-o-r-s-t. Listen up dude, any reason other than you wanted to do it is not good enough to do anything. Get it? So why dontcha just go find your thing??
And at last, the real bloggers. For whom blogging is a part of life; just like their blogs are part of mine. The ones that make you think, “Jeez…Why the hell am I blogging??”

All the stuff said above- even the ones based on real facts- are purely fictional. Anyone who gets offended…well, your problem. Bleh!

That’s about it all. Ranting over.

A lot like love

2007-01-09T04:03:00.000-08:00

"When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation. People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving the intoxicating effects of these substances and may be “infatuation junkies”.

When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends."

...so that explains why I like having a crush so much...I'm an "Infactuation junkie" :D

courtesy: www.selfcreation.com

The Best Stuff

2006-12-19T11:18:00.001-08:00

For those people who haven't came across this site, http://www.thebeststuffintheworld.com/... do check it out, and for those who have...well...nothing :D

The Best Way To Fly?
S: get high with weed

The Best Way To Ruin Your Day?
S: kiss your co worker's boyfriend :D

The Best Thought?
S: something to look forward to
Me: thought that makes you smile :)

The Best Thing To Wake Up With
S: a smile
S: or your lovers arm maybe

The Best Thing To Love?
Me: A person who loves you back ?
S: I thought the same
S: a person who thinks the same about u

The Best Thing To Prepare Yourself For?
S: worst
Me: yeah

The Best Thing You Got Addicted To Without Actually Realizing?
S: chatting talking
Me: yeah, same...

The Best Time To Have Sex?
Me: anytime you feel like
S: All the time ;)

The Best Thing To Give A Woman?
S: what she wants the most :D
Me: a genuine compliment

The Best Way To Get High Without Drugs?
S: sex

The Best Worst Thing Ever?
Me: failure
S: maybe

The Best Life?
S: my own
Me: life of a happy and contented man :D

The Best Necessity?
S: food
Me: love :D

The Best Thing To Do With a Loved One?
S: spend time with them
Me: to be around :)

The Best Sound?
S: rain
Me: sound of smeone laughing *genuinely* even better wen its at your joke :D

The Best Thing To Wear In Bed?
Me: nothing
S: nothing

The Best Way To Show Love?
S: small things
S: lots
S: a hug from behind
S: an unexpected kiss
Me: yeah yeah...romance lies in little things :D

The Best Flower?
S: dunno
Me: the one you get for no reason at all

The Best Sex Replacer?
S: weed
Me: noclue

The Best Relationships?
S: the one with your ma :D

The Best Physical Sensation?
S: lots
S: common would be orgasm
S: but holding a lot and finally getting to go to the toilet

The Best Thing To Do With Your Good Friends?
S: hang out ..talk
Me: A good conversation

The Best Thing TO DO And Not TO SPEAK About?
Me: to like someone secretly

The Best Fun?
S: friends
Me: hysterically laughing for no reason

The Best Way To Find Something?
S: search for it

The Best Thing I Wish I Could Do But I'm Too Scared?
S: smoke some weed
Me: tell ppl what i really think abt them

The Best Moment Of The Day?
S: when you retire to sleep :D
Me: Totally :D:D

The Best Reason Why Your House Is a Complete Mess?
S: cuz i like it that way

The Best Thing To Live In?
S: a cave...with springs
Me: Home

The Best Thing To Touch?
S: baby
Me: hmm..yeah..a newlyborn one..on the day of delivery

...
That's almost about it all :)

Look who just got in...

2006-12-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

M: Hey guys...actually, I wanna let you both on one thing
Me: Ohhk..so tell us...
R: yeah, shoot

M: The thing is, actually...I started a blog sometime back...didn't want anyone to know
Me: *thoughtbubble* Is she pulling my leg or is she serious??Does she know? DOES SHE KNOW??? Act cool, act cool Yeah?? serious??
M: *with a naughty smile* Yeah, serious.

Me: Umm...Ohhk. *gives a puzzled look to R who's pretty confused herself*..Hey, M...you know what, I've a blog myself...didn't want people to know either.
M: yeah, right
Me: Serious
M: Yeah, okay.

R looks at us both, as if to ask whose pulling whose leg :D

I guess now we both know we weren't kidding.

Life's full of surprises or what? :D:D

And Hey, M..Don't stop coz now people know, please?
See..I didn't.

To quote R, "its your blog, you write what you please. No questioning. Why the hell should you stop?"

Heres to you joining the bandwagon, babe!

How to propose a gal...

2006-12-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

Thought this was worth a chuckle..*wink*

Beams

2006-11-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

**bear hug to all**

Thanks for the day that was. Had fun :)

You for calling me first (actually I thought you would just wish me over net...and I prefer this much much more...) , you for sending me all the three cards you liked (all the while pretending you forgot it was my b’day) , you for sending me the awesomest card Ever! ..and you all for dropping by.

You people totally made my day :)

See, I can’t stop smiling…*points all my fingers at you lot* :) :)

Gonna get some sleep now, really really tired…Too much happiness makes you tiresome :)

***Hugs everyone once more***

To sis,with love

2006-11-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

“Your writing- it might not be something great nor of ‘Oh-wow’ material; but it’s genuine. It’s true; I can see that, I can feel that. And from what life has taught me, people don’t want writings with lotsa metaphors nor hard-words…they just want to be touched, moved…and only truth does that.”

“It’s the greatest feeling ever- getting into bed knowing you’ve done everything you possible could have done that day”

“You can empathize. I can never do that, I only sympathize. There lies the difference. Empathy is a quality you’re born with, sweetheart.”

“With X I talk a lot; although we’ve nothing in common we have endless, meaningless discussions. With Y , we’ve things in common, we share things…and years from now, I see myself still having a relation with Y and not X”

“Never lose perspective.
Never lose sight of your goal.
Coz once you do, then that’s it…you’re done.
It’s over!”

“If you go on like this, five years from now you won’t be able to afford this lifestyle!”

"It’s during difficult times that you need your family the most.”

“Mom’s a li’l eccentric. So what? She’s our mom…play along; you be a li’l eccentric yourself. Simple!”

“Do you know why I think our dad’s the greatest? For other dads, children are a major part of their lives, yet they still have a life of their own. For our dad, We Are his life.”

“Do you know what love is?
Love is when you feel with a person instead of feeling for him.
Love is when you are as happy as he is in his victory.
It’s when you’re as sad, you feel as bad in his loss.
When you cry coz he is crying.”

“I know…I know…Mom can really get on your nerves at times. But never EVER *menacing tone* question her motive…
If all this nagging makes you study a little bit more, if it benefits you in the slightest way possible, she doesn’t mind hearing all that “Gimme a break” statements for that to happen.”

(Her response on me telling her that exam just got postponed while jumping up and down)
"Flyovers never solve the traffic problem; they just move it to some other point. Likewise..." *ahem*

“We haven’t seen each other in what….2-3 months??? :O :O :O I’m dying to come home!”

SO am I…dying for you to come home…
Come home ASAP
Muaaah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~50th Post~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Testimonial Day

2006-11-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer : This post since due to the mental state of the ‘postee’ has very inexplicable English. So anybody who is not able to stand English language getting mutilated, I suggest you stop reading right now.

I the very very happy today. Simply.

A day when things go your way.

I having college today, but two of us cutting class in the afternoon going over to third friends home. I before writing testimonials (in orkut) for three friends in class. We publishing it when we get to her house. She and the other girl very very liking it. So I the happy too.

Also a surprise waiting for me. Somebody writing me a real nice testimonial. Totally made my day. Thanks, man :-)

We all thinking we having tuition, all of us wanting to stay back and talk. We calling up sir, keeping our fingers crossed and…Bam! He saying no tuition. We all the victory dancers. *wicked laugh*

We stay talking, gossip all evening. Writing another set of 3 testimonials…proclaiming this day as “testimonial day”…then the third girl leaving and me and R. taking nap.

Then we waking up at 6…going down to park and swinging…long since I swung…me and her all smiles. We having a nice talk. Then we the walking in the lawn, barefoot, talking. I the loving the feel of it. Again both of us all smiles.

Then I taking auto and guess what…the auto playing all my favorite songs inside. And when I getting down I saying thanks and smiling...he too smiling.

I come home and asking a friend to call up, he saying no too busy...I say okay, okay…and the next thing I know, phone’s ringing… :-)

Quite an uneventful yet very very pleasant day.

I the very very happiest today (yeah yeah, said earlier, I know)
Just wanted to tell somebody about it.
Have a great day.

Highs

2006-11-09T05:21:00.000-08:00

1. Getting a phone call from people (friends) who rarely call.

2. Old school friend calling to say that she's back home for the weekend or so, asking me to drop by.

3. Someone calling up to thank me for the time we spend together, telling that he had fun.

4. Strikes in college.

5. A good conversation.

6. Friends knowing that I'm not in happy-happy situation without me telling them.

7. Friends getting what I mean without me even having to talk about it.

8. Talking to my sister.

9. Calling up my dad in chennai and hence making his day (I don't call him up the way I should, its always dad who calls me up, so he's pretty surprised everytime I call him up which would be once in a fortnight or so)

10. Making someone smile/laugh.

11. Seeing R's face turn pink when she gets into her hysterical laughter.

12. A's without-pretence expressions, yeah...even the thats-so-disgusting ones too :-D

13. Sitting around cribbing about life with close friends.

14. Watching a movie and realise as it goes on that it's way better than I had expected it to be.

15. Family Dinner, all four of us. Can't remember the last time it happened. With family scattered all around India, it's a once-in-a-bluemoon kinda thing these days.

16. Laughing out loud at a joke which others didn't find that much funny and hence getting are you-mocking-me glance from the person who cracked it..(seriously, I wasn't...Hey, I found it hilarious!)

17. A good cup of coffee.

18. A good read.

19. Planning a vacation.

20. The first few stages of a blossoming friendship when everything seem to be just perfect.

2006-11-05T07:40:00.000-08:00

I’m stranded.

Right at crossroads.

Where do I go from here?

Hmm…I close my eyes and try to feel the air I’m breathing in...

“Move! Move faster! Or you will be left behind.”

A push from behind.

“But I don’t wanna move fast. I don’t wanna go that way. What if I wanna be left behind?”

Cruel mocking laugh.

I feel my soul being stamped upon.

“Silly. You have to. Maybe you don’t want to. But you have to.”

I sense the power and assertiveness in the ‘have to’.

Then it comes.

“Sweetie, I should know better than you. I have seen life. You’re better off this way. Trust me.”

Right.

I’m better off this way. Ahem!

Another push. Much stronger this time.

------------------------------------------------

And I move along.

Along with others.
Coz this is what I “need”.

I see everyone around me.
But I can’t feel them.

Infact I don’t even feel myself anymore.
I’ve become numb.

--------------------------------------------------

“Hurry, honey!”

And I move along….

This I wrote sometime back...when I was quite pissed off at the people around me, the things that I myself was doing and the fact that I was turning into the person that others wanted me to...thinking of which...everything's pretty much the same; the past and the present.

So-so...

2006-10-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

2 months…It’s been more than two months.

And it’s good to be back.

It’s been pretty eventful two months…met and made friends with quite a no. of people, some pretty interesting (intriguing *wink*wink*) , some painfully not so…relations with certain people have changed too…mostly deteriorating…and if the two people who know me really well are to be believed, I’ve changed a lot too…for worse. Ahem!

Also I’ve learned that,
There is only a thin line between being sarcastic and being rude.

Tag-Wag

2006-08-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

It's blogging time again...after going into hibernation for a month, I'm back, stronger than ever *wicked laugh*

It's my inertia thing (though it doesn't make sense to a lot of people). If I start doing something, can't seem to be able to stop it (with strong exception to studies, ofcourse). And if I stay away from something for too long...well, it's a herculean task to get back at it *sigh*

As of now, my blogging vibes are back *jumps up and down waving at anyone who cares to notice*

And since I don't have any particular idea on what to blog about, but know ki I just "Have to" blog...I've shamelessly self-tagged myself from this blog ...and for those are pointing fingers at the self-tagging part...Phhrrrbbbbttt!!!

Here goes...

Time of starting?

5.14 pm

Were you named after anyone?

Well...my name (actual one that is) stands for a star, guess mom and dad knew I'd turn out to be the "star" I am now. Ahem!

Do you wish on stars?

Not actually. Have rolled my head off at scenes in Hindi movies...Although, if someone's wishes do come true, just lemme know..just in case.

When did you cry last?

I've been thinking about it for a while now (esp. since my class is so blissfully blessed with girls who go boo-hoo even at my stares :D), funnily enough I don't remember. The only person who can make me cry like anything is my sister and seems like that saddistic stage of my sis is over. Sadly. My tear gland had turned rudimentary, I guess *pokes her eye in search of her tear gland and ruins what was left of once-well-functioning-eye*

What is your favorite meat?

Me, being the proud vegetarian I am, shakes her head sadly.

What is the most embarassing CD on your shelf?

I'd say the cd of uncensored version of Eurotrip somebody (*wink*) gave me. Wouldn't say its embarassing unless I'm watching it with my mom. Have enough sense to keep it outta my mom's reach ;)

If you were someone else would you be friends with yourself?

Totally. One hundred percent. Without a doubt. After all who wanna miss out a chance to be friends with the coolest person alive? :D

Are you a daredevil?

Yup. and loving it :)

How do you release your anger or depression?

Have this friend who I take out all my anger on (Rock on, pal :D) or I write down pathetic stuff.

Where is your second home?

My native place, Palakkad.

Do you trust others easily?

Yes, I trust people like anything. Good or bad, don't ask me. But I do.

What was your favorite toy as a child?

This sweet li'l doll named "Jinjili vava" (*yuck* I know...But Hello, you expect a one year old to come up with something like matilda??duhh). She had this tiny hole in her mouth and I'd force things down that hole, then pull out her head and empty it to feed her later. Yours truly have always been her innocent self from day one, you see.

What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?

Maths?EC?All? He hee...

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sarcasm? *Blank expression* *Don't have a clue what the taggist is talking about* :

Have you ever been in a mosh pit?

Considering that I've never been to a concert, I'd say No.

What do you look for in a guy?

The zing thing.

Would you bungee jump?.

I'm dying to.

Do you untie your shoe laces when you take them off?

Nope. Anyways, I don't wear shoes much.

What's your favorite icecream?

Chocolate. Yum yum...

What are your favorite colors?

Sky blue and Black.

What are your least favorite things?

Does people not responding like the way I want them to count?

How many people do you have a crush on?

*counting* 1..2..yeah, Just 2 for now.

Who do you miss the most now?

My sister. And school days.

What are you listening to right now?

"Crash and burn" - Savage Garden.

If you were a crayon what color would you be?

Blue.

What is the weather like now?

Since I don't know any 'poetic' way of describing the weather, I say..Its nice. Very nice. Gonna go out soon :)

Last person you talked to on the phone?

R. Wanted to check if she got tickets for the movie morrow.

The first thing you notice about the other sex?

Body build. aakhir, female species jo hoon :D

Do you like the person who sent you this?

Considering I picked it up myself, Yeah...Love that person. One of a kind (ahem!).

How are you today?

Feeling pretty good *beams*. Might be coz I just heard ki a friend of mine won first prize (dunno what its for...still, first prize,dude!). Feeling happy for him *no pretence*

Favorite non-alcoholic drink.

Sprite. Not that you remind me of it...I want sprite...*throws a tantrum*

Favorite alcoholic drink?

Alcoholic? *tauba tauba*

Natural hair color?

Black.

Eye color?

Brown.

Wear contacts?

Yup. Can't stand specs.

Siblings?

A sister.

Favorite month?

November. *mutters something about it having nothing to do with the fact that she was born in November*

Favorite food.

Anything that tastes good chalega. No ghar ka khana for me.

Favorite day of the year?

The day I am the happiest.

Have you ever been too shy to ask anyone out?

Asking someone out has never been an option for me. So, No.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. Now that 'someone' has re-introduced me to scary movies, I'm liking them too.

Summer or winter?

Winter.

Do you want your friends to write back?

Yeah, ofcourse.

Who is most likely to respond?

Mr.Blogboy ( he better :D)

What book/magazine are you reading?

'Veronica decides to die' -Paulo Coelho

What is on your mousepad?

Indian flag (at least that's what I think they intended it to be)

What did you watch on TV last night?

Re-run of 'Desperate housewives'.

Favorite smell?

Smell of the earth when rain falls on it for the first time.

Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?

Have never been with someone. So no breaking up for me, Hurray!

Most tiresome thing you've ever done?

Carpentry work. 1st Year mechanical workshop. Without a doubt.

Time of finishing?

6:01 pm. Am I fast or what? :D

Over...finally...and here comes my fav. part...I hereby tag...

Akhil

Kartu

Shadow (with no hopes of him doing it *rolls her eyes*)

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Adieu...till my next blogging urge comes along..

Ho-Hum!

2006-08-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

I've been gone a long time now. Guess it's high time I posted something.

[ And if you think a long tale of unrelated events (with 100% cribbing) is boring I highly suggest you leave this place right now!]

Not that there hasn't been any happenings in my life these days. There has been. Lots. Trust me.

I've got a pup for one (And for those who care to ask, she's doing fine)
I saw POTC:Dead man's chest (though wish it was someone else's chest they showed more off..*wink*)
My sister moved to Mumbai...
Lot more changes...

And Oh,yeah...I've changed (or so people say)

I've got even more weirder (like that was possible)

for better or for worse?

for worse, they tell me.

Imagine what it's like to be told by 4 different people with no connections between them whatsoever that you've been acting more and more like this other particular person of late...Well, that's what I would call being in my shoes.

For chrissake people, I'm just me!Me!ME!!! heart,body,soul...me. Not turning into anybody else, it's all just me!! *sigh*

Been reading Paulo Coelho's "Veronica decides to die". Awesome book. I would recommend it to any not-so-sane person on earth (Not being sarcastic).
Its one of those books which makes so much sense that you think you're going crazy.

About this girl Veronica, who has almost everything she could ask ofr in her life, but is fed up with having nothing to live for and decided to kill herself. Nice book, I must say again and again.

Here's a li'l excerpt from the book, something that really struck a chord.

She gets put up in an asylum for trying to kill herself and hears this story from an inmate.

"A powerful wizard, who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom,placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.

The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well aside for them alone, and which the magician had not managed to poison. The kind was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors,however,had also drunk the poisoned water and they thought the king's decisions were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.

When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees,they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdication.

In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him,saying: "Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then, we will be the same as them."

And that was what they did: the king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediatly began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once;now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?

The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days."

Isn't everything all relative?

Like the way He says in the book, "What the majority thinks/does is normal. It might not be the best thing to do, but still it's what is called normal."

Another concept I liked in the book was that how free people are in a mental asylum (Do i sound mental? :D). Free to do anything that's beyond the concept of what's normal in the outside world. Coz people never expect you to be normal. Hello? You're in a mental asylum..duhh...

Love Paulo Coelho for explaining most complicated and intiguing of things in the simplest way possible. Be it The Alchemist or this book. Between I was surprised to learn that he himself was admitted into a mental asylum 3 (or was it 4?) times.

Haven't finished the book yet. Dying to read the rest.

Was feeling extremely down today. Due to many reasons. Each one as silly as the next. Pinne, damn the bloody migraine too.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

I better get back to ...err...brooding?

P.s: This one's for you for pestering me and also for the emotional blackmail part .."Won't update until you do".

Whats goin' on...

2006-07-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Lack of concentration. Clumsiness. Getting too much of a person. Giving away too much of your identity. Lack of a goal. Dislike for someone you used to like. Wanting to be someone you could never be. Getting a taste of how selfish people can be. Or not for that matter. Too much bitterness.Trying to establish oneself .Changing opinions. Changing you. Losing control, faith.Teasings. Gossips.Brainstorms. Mostly stupid. Yet inevitable. Closing old doors. . Anticipating someone’s arrival. Celebrating someone else’s life as your own. Adsorbing happiness. Sermons.Sermons.Sermons. Yelling.Shouting.Fighting. Late night chats. Whinings. Complexes. Feeling what you shouldn’t be. Not feeling what you should be. Phone calls that last for hours. Disagreements for the sake of disagreeing. Pretence. The Real Deal. Family.Friends.Love.Life.

Weirdo tag

2006-07-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I'm bored again :p So gonna do the second tag. *sigh*

Weirdo? Who me??? *looks offended*
They say I'm as normal as the axe murderer next door..aur tum ho..:(

8 Weird facts about myself...hmm..Here goes...

1. I sometimes take a loong candlelight bath (!) at midnight (!!). Put on my favourite romantic songs, sing along while scrubbing myself clean. Trust me people, it feels really really good :)

2. I am a sleepaholic; I sleep like a log. Drives my parents nuts.
My record is straight 18 hours. Once I fell asleep at One in the afternoon and woke up at about 6.30-7 am next day :O:O {In my defence I was Extremely tired}
Dad and Mom has tried the Do-not-call-will-wake-up-when-needed thingie. I kept on sleeping and sleeping till mom got frustrated and woke me up at 3pm. I am hopeless *sigh*

3. I am a total Harry Potter maniac. Have read each book some 5-6 times ( and I still chuckle at some of the jokes...for the zillionth time :D) and these days I just go straight into the chapters I like the most.

4. While I was in 8th I had a crush on a guy I had made-up *blushes* . This happened while I was staying with a cous of mine. Her school had opened real early and I was getting bored.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. :D
So I created this guy...and soon enough I was having a crush on him! He used to live next door, was quite cute (Obviously!)..was the coolest guy in town and we used to talk a lot ..So can't blame me for having a crush on me (sheesh...I guess things got a little outta hand).
Anyways our relationship ended drastically when I had to return home.
Needless to say, I was devastated :
The now-more-practical-me says I should have brought him home :D

5. Ohhk, this too happened long time back. When I was into gardening and stuff. I had read somewhere that plants grow real fast if u talk to them. So what yours truly did was name each of them and talk to them everyday. After awhile I stopped doing it. You see, I always prefer conversing with people (or things rather) whose response is something more than a miniscule growth rate.

6. I am extremely uncomfortable being out alone in a crowd. It's fine if I have company, else I go nuts. For e.g, I Hate (yeah, with a capital H) walking to the bus stop alone. Or going some place alone. I fret, I curse...god knows what else. I always try to get someone to come with me.

7. I have a habit of making others watch movies or read books I like. I love making others love what I love :D

8. I am a blog addict. If that could be considered as a weird thing, I guess lotsa weirdos are reading this ;)

So that's it...now does anybody dare call me weird??? *wicked laugh*

And now...I tag,

Shadow, Kartu

P.s: I've now realised that only 6 weird facts were required. But since so much time and energy has gone into this, I aint gonna delete the other two.

T.A.G

2006-07-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm MeGaBoReD. I got tagged a few min back and Now I'm doin' it. I must be More than just Megabored *yawn*

Been tagged by blogboy akhil .

Here it goes.

1. Grab the book nearest to you turn to page 18 and find line 4

From now on, every sunday, he was going to be a nice old parson spending his holiday traveeling around on a labour of love for the society, compiling an inventory of the treasures that lay hidden in the country homes of England.
-------- Ah, Sweet mystery of life, Roald Dahl.

2. Stretch your arm out as far as possible...

Hmm...Done. *yawn*

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Another one of a F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode I've watched like a zillion times. But still, it's F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!!

4. Without looking guess what time it is:

10.oo am?

5. Now look at the time, what is the actual time?

Sheesh...it's already 11 and I haven't even brushed my teeth :D

6. With the exception of the computer what can you hear?

"Its something Unpredictable, but in the end its right
I hope you had the time of your life"
Love that song :)

8. Before this survey what did you look at?

Akhil's blog

9. What are you wearing?

A T that sez 'Crazy Gal' (*sigh*) and a brown skirt.

10. Did you dream last night?

I dream, therefore I am. I dream like a thousand dreams every night. Mostly non-sense. But I love the feeling of waking up in the morning and trying to figure out what I saw last night. That's the first thing I do every single morning.

11. When did you last laugh?

Laugh as in chuckle? Then must have been the stupid conf Me and friends were having. Laughing as in "Laughing"..hmm...laughed like a hyena yesterday looking through my old pics..esp. one where I was looking like an tribal girl lost in the big bad world :D

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Nothing, absolutely nothing. (sockets excluded)

13. Seen anything weird lately?

I saw a pic of myself dressed as a scarecrow for a fancy dress competition. ROTFL. Somebody must have influenced the judges coz I sure deserved a price :

14. What do you think of this quiz?

Good time pass for planless, useless people like me.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Saw parts of City of Angels. Boooring.

16. If you became a multimillionaire what would you buy?

A ranch far far away from all this with lots and lots and lots of animals. That has been my dream from childhood.

17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.

I'm a sucker for romance films. *as if you didn't know :-P *

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

The soul-eating competition on every walks of life.

19. Do you like to dance?
No. I really don't. Although I do concerts (Bryan Adams, Shania,Celine...I do everyone) when I am alone.

20. George Bush.

One of the reasons world is in this chaos.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what would you call her?

Mia. Fell in love with this name when I heard it's meaning- "Mine"

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?

I'm counting on it being a girl. I want a girl. Girl.GIRL!!!

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yeah, as of now.

24. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

Welcome. Everyone else has been waiting for you. (Coz I really wanna believe ki everyone else who has left before will be there)

Aaaand...now, Bu hahaha...I tag

Shadow, Kartu, Ruhi

Will do the other weirdo tag later, now I've to go brush my teeth.Sheesh!

Adieu.

Just another day

2006-06-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

Been having those not-so-feel-good days for a few days.

Maybe it's the exam, maybe it's the way things have changed around me...or maybe it's just me.

The exam's have been going downhill from day one onwards. Still can't complain. Coz I sure didn't prepare that well either.Even then it feels kinda weird (sad?) to do bad in any test.

Today has been the lowest so far. Nobody was home when I came back and I just had to crib about how lousy the exam went; so called up this friend of mine. Talked for a while.

Mom called from her office. Turns out she tripped and fell on the road on the way to office today morning. Couldn't tell her that the exam was horrible after what happened to her today. Remained neutral, "Hmm..it was kinda okay."

Went to the terrace, stayed there for a while, watching the stars and the moon. Strange calmess it brings.

[Listening to Norah Jones' 'nightingale' as I speak (type?). Peace. Serenity. Calmness. Thanks, akhil for introducing me to the song]

Called up sister and 'talked' after a long while. Had been fretting all evening...suddenly everything feels alright. Not that we talked about something in particular. Just the blah-blahs.

But still, it's like she knew. And I knew she knew.

Guess that's the way sisters/siblings are meant to be.

I wish...

2006-06-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, my mom once told me to be careful about what you wish for.

That there was this angel flying above, in the sky, looking down on us, humans. And once in a while she would pull out her wand and grant the wish of the person directly underneath.

And for a long time, I would make wishes now and then, you know, just in case.

Today in a hopelessly bleak moment, I almost told myself..

" Damn! I wish I had Cancer or some stupid incurable disease!"

But stopped midway.

What if...what if, the angel decided it was me who was gonna get lucky today?

Be careful what you wish for, people; coz it just might come true.

To post or not to post

2006-06-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

The title so coz I've been debating with my ego to post it or not. To come out and say like it is or just keep on cursing you in my mind.

Okay, you there…this one’s for you.

You know what people do when they call you every damn single day for a week and still you don’t call back?

They start calling other people.

Or how about this?

I know you knew I was upset.

But what you might not know was that I thought you would call me when you realized I was upset. Coz that’s generally what “friends” do.

When they realize you’re upset, they call you then and there. It might not solve the issue but it sure helps to know someone’s out there looking out for you.

{You know, she called me even after I had told here rudely that I didn’t wanna talk. Thanks, babe}

Or that I would think it was you every time the phone rang. And it wouldn’t be.

Or I just had a fight with my mom to keep the phone with me upstairs in case you called.

[I know I sound kinda desperate. But I’m used to telling things the way they really are. You could see it as a desperate girl waiting for someone to call her or as someone who’s just upset that her friend let her down]

How do you expect me to open up and tell you what is bothering me after this???

P.s: I’m sure you’re thinking of calling me now, I’m not so sure about that. That’d be kinda embarrassing after all this outburst.

Its dum dum dum time again people!!

2006-06-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

Before I start off, yeah that stupid tune’s still not gone. If I ever figure out the person who invented that tone, i'm gonna...well, i'll think of something nasty enough soon

So...

I'm feeling extremely happy today.extremely in its most extreme sense :) And that is weird (forgetting the fact that i'm happy for no reason) coz I've got an exam (Universityexam that is) tomorrow and I haven't studied a thing :) and I don't feel like inserting a sad smiley here..whoa! this aint happiness, it's ecstasy, people :D

Smiling without a reason sure feels good....Infact, I think I'm gonna burst into a song right now...*singing out loud*

This happy self was trying to study in the terrace when instead I ended up smiling at how my skirt was flying up in the cutest ever breeze ( *gasp!* did I say 'cute breeze'? cute breeze? cute???*rolls her eyes at the weird tricks the happy psycho inside is making me do*) and smelling the rose that just bloomed today. *smiles at the thought*

And I did a good thing today. I actally sent two mails. Ok, two good things then :D. Mail as in 'real' mail and not those stupid crappy forwards. Real personal mail typed by my very own fragile hands. Boy, are they some lucky people or what? :D It feels really good to send a mail after all these months of forwarding crappy stuff.

[ And you, I still think your response at my mail wasn't good enough. Next time instead of thanking me in your tribal language, try running out into the big beautiful world (smiles again:D) shouting out loud, "I've got mail, I've got mail"]

I was feeling so very happy that I thought maybe I should write it down to read during depressing times...well, tonight that is...considering that it's the time when 'actual' studies happen. I have an exam morrow, remember?

Uh-oh, I can see the girl next door studying like crazy for the very same exam tomorrow. Oh no, think a little happiness just drained off. Don't worry, I'm still smiling :). Infinity minus one is still infinity, people. And yeah, me thinks people like her shouldn't be allowed to study outside where they can inflict severe damage upon the blissfully ignorant happy minds of freebirds in the world. Infact, go study your @$$ off in your attic or something (mind your language, happy psycho!)....

So *a deep sigh*, it's me signing off as a protest against the nerdy girl next door....

P.s: Hopefully I'll have some of this happiness left after tomorrow's exam *Bites her fingernails*

P.p.s: It's morning and the happy thing's totally gone. Unfortunately, just the psycho is left :(

B-O-R-E-D

2006-06-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

Dum dum dum….

The above three words has nothing to do with the post proceeding what-so-ever. The bloody tune’s been inside my head for a long long time now…Just can’t get it out…So what do I say when I have nothing else to say? Dum, dum, dum **in a tone that might be at its irritating best to the person on the receiving end**….

After days and days of pretending-and-trying-yet-unsuccessful-try at studying, I went outta the house (coz I had to, there was no other way. Darling dentist would’ve killed me...ps: I was supposed to go there like a month ago. Yours truly being an extreme perfectionist went exactly a month later).

First to the dentist’s where I had to wait for almost an hour…God, there’s no such thing I hate as waiting...The hour was spent reading oh-so-informative articles on the bloody ‘For-the-single-independent–women-out-there’ magazines----“how to patau your dream man?”, “why does he keep ignoring you?”, “Does he want something more??”, “top ten myths about men”….” How to seduce in style!!”…I mean, could you get any more pathetic?

And dear editor-who-cares-so-much-about-the-love-lives-of-millions-of-woman-out-there, *overwhelming with emotion* , I do NOT need any tips on how to find out if my man’s cheating on me…if I do get a man, I had better learn how to keep him entertained myself else he should go play jingilala (DON’T ask me what it is) with the bitch next door. And for those people who actually find this tips worthwhile, GET A LIFE!!!

I mean, why don’t people publish articles like ‘How to get awesome marks (that make your parents say, ‘I always knew you had it on you’) without using your brain fully or partially’. Bring out something like that and I’m damn sure there will be a stampede at the stores selling the magazines. I myself know enough lazy bones to cause a stampede :D

Group hug to all the lazy bums out there >:D< “we make others look good”

Coming back…after the dentist’s I went to this stitching center to get my brand new tops all shaped-up. The people there had called up yesterday to inform that it’s ready…and when I do get there, what do they say?

“There’s been some mistake; your stuff isn’t ready yet. Could you come back maybe two days later?”

Jeeez!!! I don’t want your bloody apologies; I want my brand new kurtas. Hmmpfff!!! Two days later it is then….*Sighhhh*

Yours truly returned home all disappointed, not to mention a stupid toothache that is inevitable after a visit to dentist’s.

I come back home to find the telephone line all screwed up. Phone line dead. The only thing I just can’t live without is dead (a consequence of which is that I saw mom dancing up and down in sheer joy forgetting for a moment the fact that she had a reeeally bad headache *rolling eyes*)…..and tomorrow being a Sunday…I’ll have to wait till Monday to make a phone call **wailing**..I know, I know…I’m gonna be soo missed

(For clarification, my internet connection being dial-up this is gonna be posted after the phone connection has been re-established)

Yeah, so all my happy things (internet and telephone) out of the question, I resort to the only thing left- T.V.

Flicking through channels ….saw the Ad of this new show that’s to come on MTV. This real-life couple, who are supposed to be “actors” in some bloody soap (probably from Kkekta kapoor’s some behenji wala soap) putting on fake smiles at the camera…the lady goes, “Tune in to see how we fell in love”…Hoo haa hee…yeah,right…The last thing I need, another lady ,who apparently thinks she has the smile of Julia Roberts coz she just can’t seem to get the silly fake smile outta her face even while talking, telling me how to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after…Don’t these people have any better thing to do other than just blabber out their, soo cheesy that it smells like dog poop, love story on television?? MTV’s sooo going to the dogs….**phhrrbbbttt at MTV**

Back to surfing through channels…now what do I see??

Our very own soo soo gay Karan Johar’s, pathetic than the fungus invested life of *****, film- Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum…Oh wait… my fav. Comedy scene of all times is coming up…

SRK *all teary-eyed and for some reason (that I presume is his method of showing how emotionally overwhelmed he is…is that what they call acting these days?) whole body shaking like anything*…says something like, “Mera papa jaisa koi aur nahin hai iss duniya mein blah-blah-blah”

ROTFL…I mean, who the heck talks like that???

Next thing you know, would be the patni touching her pati-parmeshwar’s feet to get blessings …Wait a sec, that’s already been done…Damn it! Can’t believe I missed that :D

Since I just can’t stand any of Mr. KKKaran Johar’s movies…..back to flipping…flip...flip…flip….wait a sec, is it really who I thought it was??

Oh yeah, baby….its Brad Pitt!!!

**Doing a hoopla dance around the room…mom now pretty used to her weird daughter’s antics stifles a yawn**

It’s ‘The Mexican!’ on AXN.

Love the movie, forgetting the fact that I haven’t seen it fully ever. I mean…Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts…what’s there not to love???

*Drool* drool*drool*

That’s when mom seemed to have a thought that I might have forgotten I have a University exam this Tuesday…thanks, mom…I really appreciate it. :

So it’s back to ‘trying-to-study’ once more....

*Looooong sighhhhhhh*

Dum…dum…dum…

Alright, alright...its me

2006-05-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

I got caught last night. Someone from my class figured out freebird was my alter ego **smiles sheepishly**

I was chatting with the dude-who-caught-me when he informed me of this grave matter **Oh well..:-D**

Him: Hey, I found out who freebird is
Me: freebird? The gal u’ve been trying to find?
Him: yup, it’s this gal **** in this college *** (making up an imaginary girl in sme college)
Me: (thinking what the heck…) how didya figure it out?
Him: I traced her to so-and-so blah blah blah

I was almost sure he knew. Damn it, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…Oh, yeah it did. Power failure. I just sat there staring at the monitor in total darkness muttering curses when Satan took pity on me and the current came :-)

Me rushing back to continue the conversation.

Me: ohhhk, did u tell her that u knew? Have u seen her?

And then he goes on acting all weird, saying stuff I didn’t get…something about everything he said being his imagination or whatever….I was like on fire.

Me: what the hells goin’ on, dude-who-caught-me?
Him: Ok, I wanna hear it from U.
Me: (trying to decide if I should just continue acting or just come out clean) Hear wht?
Him: that U’re freebird.
Me: freebird? Me? Are u kidding me?
Him: u want me to point out the reasons?
Me: yeah, sure go ahead

The denial thing didn't go that well :D Had to sit and watch the dude in action, bringing out the evidence one by one. I was a li'l distracted coz its hard to concentrate while you are kicking yourself for being dumber than a mule.

I've left traces of myself in each and every single post (again courtesy to dude-who-caught-me for pointing that out). Most coz I'm a person who thinks 'dil-se' rather than 'dimaag-se'. Just can't help!

“The day someone figures out I’m freebird will be the day I stop Blogging” or so I said to myself during the early-blog days.

Now that someone has, I can’t stop. I can’t ditch this blog. I’ve become way too attached to this.

It’s almost like throwing away your book of crazy scribblings for fear of someone else reading it. You just can’t throw it away no matter what. Coz it’s a little piece of you.

I just can’t do it.

I won’t. **voice quivering with stron emotion like the heroine's who's just been asked to give up her true love, mr.filthy-rich-yet-down-to-earth-guy **

Also the dude who found out is also kinda a whack-job like me ;-) So don’t have to worry too much about him.

So we decided to go on like last night’s conversation never happened. Start all over. Pretend like he didn’t know.

So in the end, we left it like this.

Him: Hey, U blog?

Me: blog??Ehh? What’s a blog? :D

The God of small things

2006-05-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

They were, all three of them, wearing saris, (old ones, torn in half) that day, Estha was the draping expert. He pleated Sophie mol’s pleats. Organized Rahel’s pallu and settled his own. They had red bindis on their foreheads. In the process of trying to wash out Ammu’s forbidden kohl, they had smudged it all over their eyes, and on the whole looked like three raccoons trying to pass off Hindu ladies.

* * *

They visited him in saris, clumping gracelessly through red mud and long grass and introduced themselves as Mrs.Pillai, Mrs.Eapen and Mrs.Rajagopalan. Velutha introduced himself and his paralyzed brother Kuttappen (although he was fast asleep). He greeted them with utmost courtesy. He addressed them all as Kochamma and gave them fresh coconut water to drink. He chatted to them about the weather. The river. The fact that in his opinion coconut trees were getting shorter by the year. As were the ladies in Ayemenem. He introduced them to his surly hen. He showed them his carpentry tools, and whittled them each a little wooden spoon.

It is only now, these years later, that Rahel with adult hindsight recognized the sweetness of that gesture. A grown man entertaining three raccoons, treating them like real ladies. Instinctively colluding in the conspiracy of their fiction, taking care not to decimate it with adult carelessness. Or affection.

It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of dream carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain.

To let it be, as Velutha did, is much harder thing to do.

Arundhati Roy,
The God of small things.

I finished reading the book yesterday night.

And the excerpt given above is my most fav. Part of the book. The more I read it, the more I appreciate it.

People, who themselves are afraid of dreaming in case they might not come true, who tell others who do to stop dreaming ‘unrealistic’ dreams. Who ask kids to shed their innocence and grow up. Who fail to hear the voice of the kid within themselves.

Being told by many “grown-ups” that I live in ‘my own fantasy world’ and hearing statements like ‘Open your eyes to the real big bad world’ every once in a while, I wish there were more people like ‘Velutha’ around.

A (study?) vacation

2006-05-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

I’ve been busy ‘relaxing’ during the study vacation (read too lazy to even type a post :-D).
And this study vacation I’ve proudly reached the greatest height of my laziness (sadly?)…
So here goes…One useless day during “study vacation” in the life of freebird…

Waking up at…Ok, people I know this is gonna be a shocker…at around 12 noon. Less stress on the food section since my breakfast and lunch now gets moulded into one.

After going through the newspapers while having my coffee (morning ya noon, I can’t survive without my ‘morning’ coffee).

Then I call this friend of mine and we talk for some time (15-30 min to say the least) about...hmm…coming to think of it, we should be given an award to find things to talk about for such long time considering that we haven’t even stepped outta the house in a few days. Yeah, you guessed it…too lazy to step outta the house…nothing like the comforts of home...**aaah**).

And then I proceed to read all the blogs that have been added to my list. And I think, I’ve added each and every blog I’ve ever come across in my life to this list and needless to say hence consumes precious ‘hours’ in my otherwise so constructive life. Never knew Blogging could be sooo addictive. *sigh*

It would be around 4-5 in the eve by now. Now its time for me to decide (for the umpteenth time) that it’s high time I started studying.

Proceed to take a looong, refreshing bath…and off with the books to the terrace where I try to concentrate on the thing I’m supposed to. Well…you know…that never seem to happen.
So while I’m in the battle mom comes home from the office and I (happily) proceed to talk to her about her day; not to forget eating the yummy pastries she brings (is made to bring?) home.

And I like to read while I eat (and vice versa for that matter) so I take up whatever book (never the study wala ones, of course) that’s nearby and then Voila! All of a sudden even the dumbest of all books turns interesting like never before!

So I read the magazine/book whatever, watch practically anything (except for the bloody tear jerky soaps) they put on TV these days…and just laze around.

Then maybe study for half-an-hour and then Tada...its dinner time.

I have dinner while reading/watching TV and then I’m off to surfing the net….chatting away with friends, catching up on the rest of the blogs blah blah blah…till 2-3 am sometimes.

Each day is like the replay of the day-before.

Now that I’ve come to think of it, could anyone BE more useless that moi right now?

‘Living like a pig’; that’s how my sis describes living like this. And trust me, I do feel quite ‘piggish’ sometimes:-D

The exams are on June 6th till June 30th. And if I don’t start studying properly by now, I can say for sure that there’s gonna be a post titles “I’m soo screwed!” after June 30th.

Freebird takes an oath to wakeup real ‘early’ (8am?) and study hard from now on….

Keeping my fingers crossed….

A rebel without a cause?

2006-05-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

We all have this habit of us wanting to believe in something which we probably don’t.

Like in eternal peace or sometimes even religion.

I dunno why but I have this dumb habit of making myself believe the freaky-not-even-worth-convincing-myself things. Things that doesn’t matter whether you believe in it or not. Dunno why I do that.

For one, I used to think that I hate non-veg jokes. Now why the hell would I wanna convince myself that I don’t like non-veg jokes?

I dunno. But I did. And for sometime, I think I even succeeded in fooling myself.

That was until I found out actually I enjoyed “all sortsa” jokes. And it surprised me….and even more, I found out I could crack non-veg jokes too. Whoa! :-O

Another thing that I “thought” I hated was swearing. Apparently, I couldn’t stand swearing.

Then I started swearing…at the lowest level. You know, just a teeny tiny “S**t” when things don’t go my way.

And now today, I used the F word at this friend of mine, who was trying to piss me off and well, succeeded a li’l for sure! I used the F word for the first time in my life and I supposedly hate swearing.

Surprise! Surprise!

It didn’t feel bad. Didn’t feel anything at all.

That was when I knew I didn’t care a damn about swearing.

And I remember I’ve had this dumb habit all my life.

While I was in 7th grade, I used to pretend that I “idolized” Sachin Tendulkar, when I knew that I didn’t give a damn if he was still in the team or not. And I used to have lotsa pics of him; maybe I just wanted to show my pals that I too admired someone madly. After a while, I think I grew tired of fooling myself.

But then again, there are certain things which you convince yourself soo badly that eventually you start believing in it.

I think it was the time after I lost my “interest” in Sachin, that I started channeling my energy into this other celebrity.

He was much younger, which I think was the most appealing thing about him. And yeah, also he was rich and famous. That also helps, by the way.

At certain point, I lost control of what was happening, and started getting obsessed. Obsessed as hell.

For 5 freakin’ years. (Omg, it’s been that long???:-O)

The things I did, I’m ashamed of myself. *Blushing*

I’m almost sure that I was even more nervous than him, when he was competing against his biggest rival in years, in Olympics 2004. I almost couldn’t watch that race coz I was soo freaked out. And when he did win, I won!!! Crazy!!!

I still have the hundreds of photos of him that I used to drool over every single day, in my pc.

And I can’t bring myself to delete them even now. Traces of feelings I once had still lingers.

Even now when I hear his name, I listen. Even now, when I hear he broke his arm I feel a li’l something in here.

Feels like he’s someone I grew up with. Which’s partly true. Only that he doesn’t know that fact.

Now, I’m moved on. For better, I guess.

I wonder how many things I’m bound to discover along the way that I thought I believed in and which I probably didn’t.

Maybe all I wanted was a cause to stand by for.

A rebel without a cause, that’s what I am.

p.s: i'm almost sure this doesn't make any sense, but hey...whatever!!!

They talk to me

2006-04-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

There are songs which are made for people to sing-along.

There are songs that are catchy.

There are made-for-disco kinda songs.

Then there are songs which are absolutely impossible to sing along, but every time you hear it your heart skips a beat and starts singing along with it in the most wonderful way possible.

Songs that talk to you in the language you want it to, when no one else seems to get what you’re saying.

Which gives you answers for the questions even you’re not sure about.

Songs that somehow gives you hope.

For a better day, better ‘someone’ …

Better life!

That somehow tells you,

“This is just a phase. Don’t worry, there are beautiful things awaiting you along the road. Don’t miss the glory along the road, keeping you eyes closed for fear of something you hope not to see. Coz seeing these helps you appreciate what you’re gonna get even more. You need to make it through the rain to see the rainbow”

Songs to hold on to when you feel you’ve absolutely nothing.

2006-04-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

The facts that I don’t have any pink stuffed toy in my room, or coz I don’t own five pairs of heels, or the fact that I don’t shop every other day….apparently make me..Err...a guy!!!

See this!

You Are 16% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world.

And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

Blogthing SUCKS!!!

And for those people reading, I’m so totally in touch with my womanhood. Ahem!

2006-04-24T10:56:00.001-07:00

Its funny the kinda relation my mother and I have. Couldn’t be more different than the way things are with karthu and her mom. Ok, now I’m not saying ours is bad…just weird that is. And I’m gonna say it like it is.

Ours is a love-hate kinda relation :-/

Of course, I love her lots…that goes without saying. But there are even days when you ‘dislike’ temporarily the person you love the most. In our case, that just happens to occur more than usual. Dunno why.

I hear many of my friends go ‘Ooh, she’s my best friend!’ My mom was never my best friend and I know she will never be…I can bet my life on it, coz I know her well…hey, she’s my mom after all.

And I never (well, almost never) go up to her with my troubles, unless its study wala troubles. Then there’s no better person to solve it than my mom. Anybody having ‘I’m-having-exams-morrow-and-haven’t-studied-a-thing’ phobia, call up my mom and she puts you right back on track. That’s my mom for you.

One cool thing about her is her ‘once you’re done with your studies, you do whatever you want’ attitude. Nothing makes her happier than me studying. Alas! Even then I can’t bring myself to study that well…maybe I could (should?) change…hmm…

And we have the biggest cat fights ever in the history of mother-daughter relationships. These fights are not like a once-a-month wala; more like twice/thrice a day wala.

‘How many times do I have to tell u to make the bed when you get out of it?’

‘Why didn’t u tell me so-and-so called? You never tell me what’s happening!’

‘Why are you on the phone all the time? What is there to talk about sooo much? Is it any guy trouble (raising her eyebrows)? ’

We fight for the trivial things…

It’s a wonder why I still haven’t lost my voice after all this shouting. But then, if my mom can make it thro’ after all these years, I guess it’s in the genes.

But it’s her, who makes up all the time and it’s all lovey-dovey...until the next fight comes along.

Another sweet thing about her is she’s cutely naïve. Still sometimes dotes on me like I’m a baby.

Like once, I was blabbering about how this Hollywood guy was dating this gal and so on…seeing her stumped look on her face, I stopped and asked her what’s wrong…

My mom went, “you actually know about dating and stuff? Oh, how much you’ve grown *sigh*…” and then mumbles to herself about how the big, bad world is influencing the “innocent children”.

Mom, I’m 19. I should know about dating….and more stuff, for that matter. Ahem!

*evil grin*

It would prick my conscience if I said I had the best mom in the world, or that she couldn’t get any better than this.

But I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything else in the whole world for sure.

Life wouldn’t be the same without my sweet-annoying-mom.

Love ya lots!!!

At Palakkad – Part 1

2006-04-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

The trip

The usually boring-to-death trip this time I hoped would be fun since I had two pals with me. Not considering the embarrassment caused due to the ‘communication problems’ between me and my mom…it was fun actually (except for the part where you were telling us about the freak movie SAW II)…after they both got off, I started reading this book – ‘The witches’ by Roald Dahl, which I have to say is a very very cute book. I kept on laughing my head off; people in the train must’ve thought I was going crazy ;-)

The stay

There’s nothing that could beat a family get together. Catching up on stuff others been up to, hearing naughty stories about your parents/uncles/aunts from the past and teasing them like crazy, fighting for a page of the newspaper (which to tell you the truth, I don’t even want…anyways ,I do it for the sake of fighting :-D) ….its total chaos, my kinda chaos :-)

Then I’ve two little cousins who totally adore me…I’m ‘The Big One’ there! The tiny tots follow me around like puppies all day long, which sometimes gets in the way of me sneaking out stuff from the cupboard, but most of the time its pretty flattering. And this time I even read them a book! Even I am surprised by this.

Me and the elder one of the tiny tots team up against the younger one and tease her about absolutely nothing till she goes ‘Waaaah!’ and runs up to her mom. That’s when I act all innocent and blame it on the elder tot. I know, what a mature thing to do, right? ;-)

The greatest thing about my native place is that you could just wander endlessly in the grounds, climbing trees or just sit by the pond listen to the sounds of nature…just slow things down, reflect upon your life, just breathe…things we don’t get to do in Trivandrum while running to catch up with the pace of life.

And there are huge fields behind our place, which during the season, are really a sight to see…I’m posting a pic (others I can’t coz there are people in it)

Isn’t it really beautiful???

A li'l nostalgia

2006-04-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

Painting the house has been a boon in disguise…

Came upon things that I thought had lost forever, certain other things I didn’t know existed in my very own house…things that make me wish I could start over again…be a li’l girl just one more time…

Saw this li’l clay puppy that my friend, A, had given me for gift exchange while in 5th grade. And I remember, somehow clumsy me managed to break it that evening itself into a million pieces and was so upset that by the next day, my dad had somehow managed to glue back ¾th of it. Was so happy back then…isn’t my dad a sweetheart?

Then diaries from my past years that I was so afraid had fallen into the ‘wrong’ hands (my sister’s). So glad I got it back…spent the entire evening reading the crazy stuff I used to write. The happenings in my 9th, 10th grades…lotsa stuff about my 2 best pals I had back then, lotsa lotsa gossips (guess that’s the only thing that aint changed…my love for gossip:-D) etc. I wonder if I knew in those days what keeping a journal meant…coz it’s so full of crap….lovely crap!! Gonna save it for my children to read ;-)

Greeting cards from pals – some I’m still in touch with, some I wish I was in touch with, some I have no idea where they vanished into….back then getting a card used to be so cool!

Never gonna let go of these things again ever…gotta make sure I don’t lose them again…

And some totally hilarious things. Like I came across a pic of my dad before marriage with long hair looking soo totally like someone from a ‘nadakam’ (play). And one of my mom’s from the 80’s with the then ‘in style’ hair do (which totally sucked by the way)…

Hmm…I could go on and on…

But as of now, Lemme go and dig up more old stuff…

2006-04-18T04:27:00.000-07:00

Back from my native place :-)

feels great to be home!

I was gonna write about my stay at Palakkad but something’s bothering my mind right now….can’t write anything in the current state of mind…will post it once everything gets cleared up…till then…adios…

2006-04-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yaaaaaaaaayyy!!!!
My 25th post!!! Double yaaaaaaaay!!!!!
Freebird grabs whoever reading this and dance around the room….;-)

OK, now this is where the post actually starts…

I dunno if I should apologize for my previous post or not.
This blog idea was to express my feelings and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m taking the expressing-myself thing a bit too far.

Making a fool of my blog by showing off my mood swings.

I’ve always been an expressive person myself. I like to tell people (people that I’m sure stand a chance of understanding me, people I know and who know me well, that’s who) stuff about me. As for me, there aint a problem that can’t be solved by talking to others. This, I know, some find a very difficult thing to do. But opening up to people have always come naturally come to me.

But these days, without my sis around and just a few couple of friends I really feel comfortable talking to about stuff like these, I find myself putting down the things I feel right then and there. Till the blogging thing came along, it used to be more like writing on a piece of paper which could be found sometime later in the waste basket.

After I started blogging, I started putting down these as blog posts.

The guy X, in the previous post, had just somehow pissed me off a li’l and was still a li’l bit heart-broken when I posted the last one.

And since I don’t believe in taking down things I’ve already posted, am not gonna take it down.

Gonna let it stay there as proof of the various mood swings I’ve had.

To be reminded of the dumb things, my easily-swayed-heart has made me done. (for e.g., I’m currently listening to this AMAZING song ‘soona man ka aangan’ from parineeta and this post might ‘slightly’ be influenced by it too….this hormones are really getting onto me these days…*sigh*)

And just for clearance, I had said that I hate the fact that I care too much about X. I never said I hated X. I could never bring myself to hate X, for it’s not his fault that I feel this way. I just hate that I do feel this way when even when I don’t want myself to feel this way.

Guess bein’ practical is not one of ‘my things’.

I know this is just a phase…this too shall pass…and all I hope for is that until it’s over I won’t do anything that I might regret doing later.

I can’t promise that I won’t be posting stuff still under the influence of something bothering my mind, but all I can do is just make sure it makes ‘some’ sense.I seriously should learn the difference b/w a blog and a personal diary.

p.s: And also am not gonna use the ‘hate’ word from now on, unless I really really mean it. Yeah, guess it’s too powerful a word, akhil.

Since I wanna end my 25th post on a more happier note,

I love my blog ;-)

Hate 'em all

2006-04-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I hate the fact that I care. That I care about someone who obviously doesn’t care about me. I hate it that I care too much about X. Also the way I forget everything and let X sweet-talk me into forgetting all that.

Hate it that I care even while knowing X doesn’t. Hate it even more that X knows I care. Hate the way I always end up making a fool of myself in front of X. Hate how X laughs at my silliness and how I laugh at them too.

Hate how I convince myself that I won’t lose my esteem and when X comes how I throw myself at X.

Why do I do it?

Hate the fact that I dunno why.

Also, Hate this post by the way.

My friend 'X'

2006-04-08T03:50:00.000-07:00

Had great fun yesterday…hung out with my pals from college…just getting to know ‘em these days. That’s the part I like the most…when you kinda ‘just know’ what would last and what wouldn’t…ones you wanna hang out with for long term and ones you’re made to.

There’s this gal in my class, let’s say X. Really ‘my type’. There’s another gal, Y…who really isn’t my type…or anybody’s for that matter. But I hang out with both of ‘em, X coz I want to & Y coz they come as a package:-D…now how much X like Y, I dunno…and haven’t asked yet. One say I’ll…but I’m kinda suspecting that X isn’t that much keen on Y’s company either…Sorry, Y…But you’re sometimes just plain rude and selfish, which isn’t my type.

Now about X…I met her at our college. Totally cool, real spontaneous. Liked her from the very first day. Those days we were just some gals thrown into each other’s company, whether you like it or not.

But now things have changed. I now know whom I like and whom I don’t (hate is too powerful a word and I don’t use it often unless I really mean it).

These days X & I, I feel, are getting a li’l closer. Be both bitch about Y (just harmless teasing) behind her back..:-D…& thank god, she aint that ‘girlish’. Coz sometimes totally ‘girlish behavior’ (like baby talk for one…aaarrrghhh!) gets on my nerves. She’s more like in me in that aspect. And we just know that we like each other’s company. Sometimes u don’t have to literally talk to convey something. Your attitude does it for you. For e.g. I try to sit with X as much as I can and she knows thatI wanna without me telling her. Yesterday, all I had to do was just give her a glance and she came and sat beside me. Coz she just knew! Now that’s something. But alas! With X comes Y too :-((

Today after college, X & I didn’t feel like going home, so we just walked for a couple of minutes, sharing jokes and stuff…was quite cool. Two gals laughing their head off right in the middle of the road, people must’ve thought we were crazy. But then, who cares???

Absolutely loves this stage when we both feel we’re just so perfect, with no annoying habits, no selfishness…everything seems so great. I know, after this comes the time when we both get to know each other’s irritating habits, but still like each other no matter what.

As I was telling her today on the way back home…

“Our eccentricity wavelengths totally match”

Looking forward to having lots more fun with you in the coming 3 years, pal.

My experiences with Relativity

2006-04-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

I’ve learned thro’ my own experience ki there’s no better time to write a blog entry than a dead boring class. Felt like the longest two hours of my life…though i gotta admit, it was quite funny to see even the calm and cool girl next to me totally losing control and mumbling about a plan to kill the sir...towards the end we were all silent resigning to it as our fate…*sigh*…and I gotta sit in his (Ok, I’ve half a mind to use the f-word…oh, yeah, he's that bad...but one’s gotta stick on to their principles..Damn!) stupid class again tomorrow...Why, God, Why????

And the funny thing is, my sister’s visit felt like a few minutes. I hadn’t seen her in some 3 months and was really looking forward to it and then…wham! Without even realizing, she’s here and already back at work after the visit…how could that possibly be?

Which reminds me of a story I once heard about Einstein (I know what u people r saying in your heads, get to the point, lady…but sorry…yeh apun ka sshhtyyle hai, taking as much time as possible :D)

A guy was once having trouble understanding relativity (man, how dumb can you be? ;-). And this is how Einstein explained it to him.

“When you place your feet on a burning piece of coal, a minute feels like an hour. But when you’re having dinner with a gorgeous lady, an hour feels like a minute. And that’s relativity for you.”

Guess that’s the mark of a true genius. One who can make something like relativity as simple as ABCD.

p.s: this is what's left of the story in my not-so-good memory. The story might be a LOT different...but still u get my point, na?

Ok, back to the post now.

She came. We had our share of laughs, bloody fights, shopping, doing sisterly things and then she left.

(In b/w, dad had also come, he too left on Sunday.)

Now it’s like the ghost of a house that once was.
As a good friend of mine puts it, “the entire house feels empty.”

When the 4 of us gets together, its total chaos. We scream, shout at one other for the tiniest things, tease mom till she gets totally pissed off…we’re quite the weirdo family.
To quote my sis word by word, “Dad’s the only normal one in the family.”

But I miss the chaos now. Miss all the making up after fights.

Its quite annoying to have a fight with someone who knows you that well and someone who knows you as much as you know yourself…they always know exactly what’s going on in your head and which string to pull ( I do it all the time with my sis..bad me!!:-D)

For e.g. here’s a sample of conversation me & my sis had at the railway station.

Me: Hey, gimme the name of a good book, haven’t read one in ages, may go to eloor lib. today. Am thinking of taking one night@ call centre.

Sis: That book sucks! But your Uni.exams are coming, right? U shouldn’t take a book. Make a timetable, study hard.

Me: yeah, sure I won’t go then.

My thought bubble: hehe, even if I did how would u know?

Sis: (somehow sensing that I would go) Ok then, go take only one book. K?

Me. (Sounding happy) Ok then…will take only that book.
*Evil grin inside*

Sis: if I happen to know that you took more than one book, *my nickname*, I will…#@$!^^#$@#^# and she goes on and on reciting the consequences….

Me kicking myself…Damn, how on earth did she sense my evil grin?

Me: Ok baba, won’t take more than one…(couldn’t help saying this) if it helps, you’re doing a good job becoming more and more like mom by each day. Keep it up and maybe someday you’ll get even better at it than mom herself. Hehe…

That shuts her up for good for the next few minutes…all the while mom staring at us like crazy ;-)

Home doesn’t feel like home without you guys…Come back soon...so we can have lot more convos like this.

Do I Have A Choice?

2006-03-28T09:55:00.000-08:00

This is my trial at writing poetry. Not that i consider this one to be a poem. I've been thro' quite a no. blogs- some with amazing poems. That's when i started considering writing one. I'm not a big judge of poems, so i don't know how to judge this one ( or any poem for that matter). But hey, I put down whatever that came to my mind...here goes.

Do I have a choice?

My mind’s swirling, total chaos spreading;
Everything around me is a blur,
As if I’m trapped in a foggy maze,
And I see no helping hand.

I wake up puzzled, “what’s happening?”

Inside the maze I look around, infinite paths from where I stand,
Which path’s mine? This one or that?
And I know; only one has my name on it,
The one that I call my destiny.

I wish to slow things down, to have my own space,
To figure out who I am and what I should be,
To be the master weaver of my own destiny.
But I can’t slow down; it’s all much too fast
And the ones who do have the courage to slow down,are branded ‘incompetent/ retarded’

The world’s changing, even with the blink of an eyelid.
I’m afraid to close my eyes even for a sec
I fear of losing what I have now
My life aint perfect, I know. But at least I’ve the illusion of bein’ my own boss!

Everything’s material around me these days,
People not even sure of what they’re made to want,
I see true passion nowhere
Nobody has time for anything anymore
Being a survivor, it drains all your mind and soul!

I don’t wanna be a mere survivor,
I don’t wanna just “make it thro’” life,
But in this make-believe world, the real question is-
“Do I have a choice??”

OK, who am I kidding???

2006-03-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

The last post was supposed to inspire me…did study a li’l. Couldn’t help but post this one…when I wanna do something real bad, I just can’t help it! So here I am…

About the post, I came across this site www.43things.com and was totally fascinated by it (though I totally don’t get how people can be shallow enough to mention things like meet some celebrity or download some bloody soaps)

So here are my things…just 40 (see, I aint that greedy: D)

1. Have more willpower (do I need to explain??)
2. Fall in love ( hopefully with someone who loves me back)
3. Have a first kiss ( with the 2nd no. wala)
4. Write a good book ( would kill to have great writing skills)
5. Have someone tell me I am beautiful and mean it ( Now, this one everyone wants, I know)
6. Be able to make a person smile each day (even reading that spreads warmth, don’t u feel it?)
7. Read more books (these days don’t get enough time)
8. Sit in the front row of a concert and shout my lungs out (let out the energy that’s accumulating inside me doing nothing but a replay of the day I had yesterday over and over again)
9. Stop procrastinating (this I do A LOT)
10.Stop fighting with mom (I know I can, but the question is deep down inside, do I reeeally want to??)
11.Go on a road trip with pals ( with all my closest friends and freak out)
12.Go on a road trip with no predetermined destination (this one would be with my ‘woh’…)
13.Live life as it comes with no worries (these days the question that’s bothering me is ‘what next?’)
14.Learn to play a musical instrument ( roughly to be translated as have any artistic talents)
15.Make my parents proud of me ( which I don’t think I’m very good at)
16.Eat healthier (Coz that’s what my dad tells me…I’m a daddy’s girl!)
17.Finish what I start ( I suck at this)
18.Do something constructive each day
19.Decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life ( don’t have a clue, man)
20.Be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and to have the wisdom to know the difference... ( one of the most powerful and sensible statements I’ve ever heard)
21.Write more ( As if I can write, I know)
22.Get totally drunk once ( and spurt out things I wouldn’t even dream of saying when I’m conscious)
23.Learn to drive ( would make me feel more independent)
24.Live instead of just exist ( Exist….which is precisely what I’m doing now)
25.Be a better blogger (God, I wish…)
26.Be more creative ( coz creativity has been, is and will be THE factor)
27.Color my hair (more coz mom wont allow me to :-P)
28.Receive a letter from Hogwarts apologizing for the late owl but informing me that I am actually a wizard. ( hehe…Ok, that’s how much I LOVE Harry potter series)
29.Sky dive at least once!!! ( have a taste of each and every freaky thing)
30.Dance like no ones watching (no restraints!!! Bliss!!!)
31.Be a good conversationalist ( One of THE essential skills)
32.Stop caring what other people think of me (I can be nauseatingly self-conscious sometimes…but can’t help it)
33.Make a difference to someone (Do something that matters)
34.Wake up earlier (I just cannot wake up early, dunno why… I just cannot.)
35.Dance in the rain (even better if its with someone I ‘like’)
36.Never, EVER grow up ( ’18 till I die)
37.Live an unconventional life
38.See aunty's daughter-in-law all cured and living a normal life with her kids ( coz I just can’t stand the poor kids suffering and my aunty all depressed)
39.Never lose perspective ( that’s my sis’ fav. statement of all times…mine too)
40.See my sis happily married to a great guy ( for this, I’d give up all the other 39 things)

A sudden revelation!

2006-03-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

I’ve realized that I’m very much addicted to internet. OK, I realized that long time back but decided to do something about it only now.

Even when I promise myself that I wont use the net until I do this and this, I somehow manage to forget all that and come online and check my mail ( Oh, does it matter that I checked it a few hours back? For me, it doesn’t :D) and read some blogs. Blogging can be highly highly addictive, people. BEWARE! If u want any confirmation on this check this sayesha’s post B(l)ogged down Once they showed me the same message and I almost freaked out. That’s how addictive it can get.

My New Year resolution was to do something useful/constructive every day. And I wonder if I’ve done anything since the New Year. So much for me and my New Year resolutions. (Anyways, I was never much of a promise-keeper ;-)). How I wish my Inner Annoying Nerd (IAN & courtesy to sayesha) would wake up. But I think there’s a chance that I killed him (or is it her since am a female? I dunno...But IAN sounds more like a him :-P) on the process of acquiring the greatest height of laziness and utter uselessness where I am right now. And trust me, people…you don’t wanna get to this level coz it’s very very difficult to go back once you’re here ( & the view from here isn’t that much pretty either). Maybe someone up here with me can get a feel of what I’m saying.

But Hey, but am gonna fight. Am gonna try and wake up the IAN inside me.

You people might be wondering how come such a realization now? Well…my university exams has never been closer and If I don’t wanna flunk and embarrass myself in front of all and most importantly in my own eyes, I better get the IAN awake.

So from now it’s gonna be less Blogging, reading the blogs, checking mails (& using the messenger) and more (and more and more) hard work…

Hey, I think I hear him waking up…gotta go before he falls asleep again …:-P

teachers who 'really' teach...

2006-03-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

Today afternoon, I was sitting in this chemistry class and I think if I saw a movie in Swahili it would have been a much better use of my precious time. In order to prevent myself from sleeping and falling down from the bench, thus making a scene and waking up the whole class who were peacefully sleeping or doing their own stuff; I decided to take down notes for a change. The last thing on my mind being chemistry. And surprise! Surprise! That wasn’t helping much in keeping me awake. Thus I started writing down this blog entry on a piece of paper to be digitalized later ;-)

I was thinking of the teachers I’ve had over the past 12 years of my school life ( Not that I want to remember the lady with the stick which was pretty much used on me often coz it was so hard not to talk in the class even back then ;-)). There were a pretty weird of teachers I can say…the ones that thought their only job was to teach us stuff from text book, the ones who almost bullied us, the ones who made a total fool of themselves, thus entertaining us in the process, by their boasting, the ones who really cared about us, the ones we really cared about and the ones we couldn’t ever ever forget if the topic ‘teachers’ ever came up etc etc…I was wondering how many of this people while teaching ever realized that they were actually moulding somebody’s future…

Looking back, I had a couple of good teachers. But if I was ever to become one, there are 3 teachers of mine whom I’d be blessed to be anything like….

The first one was a sister from the convent I used to study in. she taught me Malayalam during my 7th and 8th standards, and I’ve my marks to show how much I looked forward to sitting and studying in her class. She made studying all those grammar and Ulloor’s poetry fun and trust me, that’s almost impossible. She was the first one, who made me realize that, ‘hey, teachers are pretty human too’. Until then I was this teeny little girl who totally idolized and worshipped them like gods and would be soo delighted if they happened to smile down on me.

Her classes made me look forward to going to school. And I think she liked me too…that made me like here even more. I remember one day she was asking questions regarding the last day’s portions and I couldn’t answer. She didn’t say anything except give me this look that I haven’t forgotten till now and from that day onwards until she stopped being my teacher I learned my daily Malayalam lessons. That’s the power of a real teacher. Without even saying a word, she had her work done. And she is also the coolest one I ever had. We could ask her about the latest movies she had seen (and she was a nun, remember!) and she used to learn guitar. I still think, she’s the coolest nun to have ever lived! Hurray Sr. Lino…We all love you…

When she left us after 8th std, I remember crying my eyes out…I was so sure there wouldn’t be another teacher I’d love as much…*sigh* ( I still think so by the way)

The second one was the English teacher who taught us during my 12th. I regret to say that I didn’t have that much time to interact with her coz 12th here is pretty hectic and English would be the last thing you would pay attention to all the bloody entrance stuff going on. But still she was pretty cool. And I used to wish that she had taught us early back in 9th or 10th before all the dumb tuitions and stuff began. She was extremely interactive and made us participate in things too and that’s one thing I think a teacher should be able to do.

And third would be the zoology sir I had last year. He was the sweetest sir you could ever find. The only thing I didn’t like about him was how he couldn’t get all the names of girls in class. But still he was awesome. He is one of the main reasons I Love zoology. And he was passionate about his job- teaching and zoology. And when somebody’s enjoying what they’re doing, it shows. It gave his class the special “X” element. He was quite young and so could get us all quite easily. He was damn witty and would tell things from the time he was a student. I was staying away from home at that time and I hated the place I was staying. The only relief I ever had was this sir’s class. The only reason I looked forward to going back to that institution. The only regret I’ve is that I did not get to thank him while I left the institution. I was soo thankful to get out of that place that I couldn’t go there once more.

These three has touched my life and I think has made me at least want to be a better person.

And so they’re what I would call ‘real teachers’. The one who makes you a even better person. More importantly makes you feel like a better person inside.

Hats off to all of them.

One day, if I ever become a teacher, if I ever become half as good as you all, I would consider myself a great teacher.

of crushes and love...

2006-03-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

I once had a HUGE HUGE crush on this guy I knew very well.

It’s funny how you think what sorta guy you’d fall for…and then boom! Without knowing u start liking this other guy who doesn’t come anywhere closer to the imaginary guy. That’s when u realize the things that u thought would matter the most, like looks for one, would take only the last position when it comes to the real thing.

The only thing that matters if u can connect at some level. I thought we did really connect coz it was one of the huge crushes I had ever had. I badly wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling, pull myself outta the world I was living in, but then I didn’t wanna do it either. Coz I was so happy…ignorance really is bliss, people. Every time I thought about him, somehow a smile would appear on my lips and he gave me a reason to look forward to each brand new day. It sure did feel good to like someone in that angle for once ;-)

But every good thing must come to an end. Finally I came to realize that this guy actually liked someone else. Not that I wanted things to go any further, coz I wasn’t sure of what exactly I was feeling, but still I sure did LIKE the guy A LOT. And I had (or even more correctly has) no idea what the guy felt like. I was heart-broken. Again not that I wanted us to be together. I just didn’t want my crush to have a crush before I was totally over him. But alas! Things always don’t seem to work that way. And it hurts…as I read somewhere crush is something like tiny love just not that strong enough. If losing a crush hurts this much (watching him fall for another person does wonders to your self-esteem and self-worth!) I keep reminding myself not to fall in love at any cost coz I don’t wanna go through all that again.

The only song that I used to hear those days was roxette’s ‘it must’ve been love’.

It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
It must’ve been good, but I lost it somehow
It must’ve been love, but it’s over now
From the moment we touched, till the time had run out

And every time I heard it…it was like I was hearing myself saying things I wanted to say…and I even thought I could detect the pain in her voice…god, these hormones sure does weird things to me ( rolls my eyes..)

And I kept telling myself….

If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t it never was!

I don’t blame the guy even a li’l bit. Coz I never even hinted that I liked him that way. We were just always ‘friends’. And about the other gal, I dunno what happened with them but I hope he gets someone worthy of him. It’s impossible to hate someone on whom you once had a crush on and who broke your heart, but hey…there was a time when u liked him a lot!! I wish him all the very best in life coz once he did make me really happy :-)

And I did pull through, and from now on I am keeping in my mind to see if there’s even a slight possibility of the guy liking me before I fall head over heels for him…see, I’ve turned a li’l more practical these days…

A joke

2006-03-07T01:34:00.000-08:00

I read this joke in RD and liked it so much and wanted to share it with others...most probably, this might sound funnier to the female sexwale ;-)

Three guys were fishing when one of them hookes a mermaid. She promised to grant each of them a wish if hey'd let her go.

"deal," the first fisherman said." I'd like you to double my intelligence."Immediatly, he began to recite Shakespeare's Macbeth.

"Wow!" the second guy exclaimes. " could you triple my intelligence?". He'd no sooner made the request than he started spouting einstein's equations on the theory of relativity.

"That's amazing!" the third fisherman yelled. " Quintuple my intelligence."

"Are you sure?" the mermaid asked. "You might not like the outcome."

"I'm sure.Just do it," the guy said.

He closed his eyes to wait for the wish to be granted and - poof!- he became a woman!

P.s: Aint it funny?

Its my life!!!

2006-03-01T22:01:00.000-08:00

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

Love this song!! Sometimes this is all I want to say….sometimes all I reaaallly wanna do is shout this loud at some person…but of course, cant do it…so I do the next best thing I play this song as loud as I can…sigh…tired of having to give explanation of each and every thing I do to people. Why I am the way I am and why I like doing things my way… “Why are u doing this? Why that?”…it’s my life for god’s sake…

parting ways...

2006-02-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

This is probably gonna be the last post ever from my old pc…coz I got a brand new one!!!
The last one’s the first one I ever had…and been with me for some 5-6 years…god, how excited I was back then about getting a home pc :-).( back then I thought computers where meant mainly for playing games) Had to nag dad over and over again to get me one and when my sis got into engineering, he couldn’t say no any more...

I was pathetic with computers back then (Oh don’t misunderstand, I still am)…I mean, there was a time when I used to think the whole mouse was one button and was afraid to touch it coz I might accidentally press it…I sure have gone a long way from there, whew!
I had never even used the net before…was baffled by a whole new world!Then came the ‘chatting’ era…I used to be reeeaally addicted to chatting…with strangers, friends whoever it was and my parents would absolutely freak out…apparently chatting with strangers can turn into serious stuff. But hey, that didn’t stop me. Didn’t I tell u guys I’m really good at snooping around? ;-)…but once the magic wore off, I was looking for newer stuff…and that’s when I came across the thing called ‘blogs’. I soon had a new addiction (and this one doesn’t seem to wear off anytime soon) and it was quite long after that it struck me ‘hey, why don’t I start one of my own? It’d be pretty cool’. So here I am…

Oops, sorry was talking about my old pc…get sidetracked real soon…with all the love and affection I have in my mind for my old pc, I can never say it was a constant companion..a companion it was…but never constant. I remember the system people had to come over 25 times within half a year or so coz of the troubles this my precious li’l thing made. So much that the system people could recognize our voice over the phone!!

So after putting up with all the fuss for over half a decade we decided to get a new one..a better one :D…and so we did…trust me, it took quite a lot of nagging too. My dad’s the kind who says ‘why need a new one when we already have one which serves the purpose?’ which explains why he never buys a new watch (the old one’s been with him for years and years)…

Some people don’t like changes…and I’m one among ‘em…but I got a new pc…that’s definitely a change I’m not gonna regret…

Dad's home...and so it begins!!!

2006-02-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

Dad’s home….suddenly all the things that needed fixing are fixed- the bulb in my room, the geyser everything. And also, my net surfing time becomes as long as an atom’s excitation period…:(((((

Dad and I are both very short-tempered (aakhir beti kiski hoon,Papa? …the genes..make me behave so badly sometimes… rolling my eyes…) and thus it often leads to not-so-pretty ego clashes. Mom’s all mellow and its her who makes up every single time…

When he’s home, I need to snoop around to use the internet and if he catches me…well..u wouldn’t wanna know. Its kinda my routine to come online every night (almost) after 10 and mom doesn’t have a prob. with it (technically speaking, I’m not sure she know what I’m doing upstairs after 10, prob. thinks I’m studying and ahem! Do I wanna change that? :D…and she’s much too lazy to come upstairs and check out what I’m doing…dad sure doesn’t mind the energy lost in coming upstairs *sigh*)…

And today…as I was talking to my friends, here he comes…all charged up. If theres one thing I surely hate, it is people listening to private convo or in this case somebody staring at the monitor while I’m talking to my pals and its amazing how my family’s sooo good at the ONE thing that makes me go aaaaaarrrggghhh!!! And so he sat right infront of pc, staring at the monitor, I had minimized all the dialog boxes (Hey, don’t go imagining stuff , I’m a good girl..nothing in there that I would have a prob. showing my dad ;)…just that I absolutely despise it when people don’t respect others privacy)….

Coming to think of it now, I think it was a pretty funny scene- dad and I sitting infront of the pc, faces all screwed up in anger…and I did the only thing I could- put on the songs that he hates like ‘she’s a rebel’ by greenday which are like much too fast he says…that too in max. volume( when I wanna irritate somebody, I can irritate him to the core, ahem!)….total silence ( if u don’t take into account the song, of course)…two people just sitting there looking at the desktop. I swore not to break the silence first..and he’s my dad- can be pretty stubborn at times. I don’t know how long it lasted, longer than ‘she’s a rebel’ and ‘boulevard of broken dreams’ for sure …and finally he disconnected net and stormed outta the room…leaving me to type out this post and save it for later….

10 minutes from the figh…now now let me go downstairs and sort out the whole issue….

Bringing out the Olive leaf….going downstairs waving it at a very pissed off man…
P.S: Have to go off the net now...doi need explain the reason? hehehe...

The One...

2006-02-18T03:44:00.000-08:00

I just saw this program where the leading lady, about to get married, decided not to do so. Coz he wasn’t ‘The One’. Coz she didn’t feel what she was doing was completely right…I have seen the same thing happen in many many movies…and it pisses me off soo much…

I do think that romance and Love are over-rated these days. This might sound a li’l surprising for people who know me coz I’m the kinda girl who listens to soft love songs all the time and drools over romantic movies and hunks. But seriously, I do. I’m not dumb enough to believe that there’s one perfect person for everyone and once u are with him/her eventually, everything else will be fine.

The way I see it is like this…. there’s no perfect person, there’s just a perfect relationship where the two people know each other extremely well and still like each other for what they are. Two perfectly compatible people who happen to like spending time with each other and would like to evolve together.

Here’s something that I saw in a movie…the lady talks about why everybody wants to get married…

“ we all are afraid that we’ll live our lives and grow old without anyone actually caring a bit. When a man marries a woman, its their way of telling each other that ‘i'll be your witness...i'll care for each and everything happening in your life’ and thus it makes 'em feel wanted ”.

And I think its sooo true. We, humans, dread loneliness and thus by marrying we are making sure that we don’t ever have to be alone, that we’ve somebody with us throughout the journey of life. That we’ve somebody to hold onto in times of hardship.

I’ve earlier made a post on my ‘prince charming’ knowing very well that such a person does not exist. But that’s the beauty of the concept of marriage. My heart somehow wants me to believe that somehow I’ll run into a person like this(any resemblance to Bollywood movies is a total co-incidence :D) and we’ll live happily ever after…(could u get any more girlish than this??? Blushing…)

And the practical side of me keeps on telling me that this is all a myth….. Like the way kids look forward to Santa Claus bringing ’em gifts, adults hope to find a perfect partner to bring ‘em eternal happiness (which in itself is a utter nonsense).

Been thinking about marriage and stuff these days coz my sister is fast approaching ‘marriable age’ (ahem!) by Indian standards…prince charming or not, I just hope he keeps her happy and appreciate how lucky he is to have found her…*sigh*

children and me????...oh, well....

2006-02-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

This is one of the reasons I think I’m a li’l weird. I’m not exactly fond of children. Well…babies are fine. Coz all they do is mostly sleep through out. And I have to tell u; I gel quite well with people around my own age. It’s just the children around 3-8 yrs who obviously need babysitting and constant un-diverted attention (or god knows what they’re gonna pull…) that I particularly don’t like spending time with.

And hey, its not like I hate ‘em or something. Just that spending time with ‘em is sooo exhausting. The topic came up coz today our guests had a li’l boy and as the only non-grownup (god knows why they say so…I’m over 18 people!!!) in the house, I was obliged to take care of him. That was pretty difficult coz the only thing he was constantly asking was this, ‘athentha? Ithentha?’ (What’s this? What’s that?). And I had to follow him all through out the house and supply him with things that interested him (do I sound bitter? Oh no, people. I’m not…damn, I’m so bad at lying..).I had to act like I was totally enjoying what I was doing with occasional baby talks (yuck!) to keep him entertained. And that’s not exactly my kinda thing.

The funny thing is girls of my age actually seem to enjoy the company of children. Most of my friends go ‘sshoo shweeet!’ whenever they see a baby while I go, thank god I don’t have to baby-sit this one…(and I’m supposed to be a woman…might’ve misplaced my womanly instincts somewhere..)

I think this is partly because being the younger one in my family I myself can never stop being a child (I think I’m contradicting myself now). Like peter pan, the boy who never grew up. As u might know from the previous posts, I refuse to take up responsibilities for things I should, which’s a pretty non grown-up thing to do. Likewise accepting the fact that you are a child no more is one of the things that I never see myself doing (OK, maybe when I’ve children of my own, I’ll…but as of now, I don’t see anything of that sort in eons!!!).

But if u watch me, chance is that u might not exactly notice my disinterest in children. As I don’t like freaking out people (read as my mom totally forbids to do so) I try to act like being with a child is the greatest joy in the world. And as far as I think, haven’t succeeded at it much. I’m not what you’d call a hit with children….

Well…well…no surprises there….:D

Have u done wht u needed to do today???

2006-02-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

My sister works for this company in B’lore and at times is pretty busy with her work & it had been a while since I talked to her.

You know the feeling when you just need to talk to someone right at that moment? I was trying to study today when her thought crept into my mind and I just had to call her. Fortunately, she picked up the phone. To tell you the truth, she wasn’t busy coz she was in the loo and was like ‘Its Ok, we can talk’…that felt soo weird that I hung up after asking her to call back once she was done. I mean, people just don’t talk over the phone while they pee, do they? Ok, coming back….

This is one of the reasons I look up to her so much (Di, I know U’re reading this…just remember, I DON’T mean anything I say in here…:D). She has this exam coming up sometime in Feb. Apparently she had to work late till 10pm yesterday, then she took a cab home, did some household chores (they’re some pals staying together in an apt. so everybody has their own share of it, late ya not late) and then she actually did some real studying for sometime. What she told me went something like this, “its such a nice feeling u get when u get into bed knowing you’ve done all the things you could’ve”. She sometimes says these li’l things that makes me go Boing!! And the funny thing is that she doesn’t seem to realize it.

What she made me think about the last time I had such a feeling and to my horror…I couldn’t remember. When u can’t remember the last time you’ve done something really satisfactory, trust me…u know something isn’t right. I’ vent done what you’d technically call studying for a pretty long time now…not just studies, things that I’m supposed to do which I don’t do. And it scares me…more than that, it bothers me.

Whatever I do, the guilt, the botheration is always there…lingering around me…its like having someone whisper ‘ u know you shouldn’t be doing this while U’re supposed to do this another thing’ in your ears all the time.

I wish I could bring myself to listen to that ‘someone’…I really do. But apparently, will power isn’t one among the things god thought I needed (I know, I know…its something u need to develop yourself…*sigh*).

Hopefully I’ll acquire some in the near future….. and change for the better….

P.S: by the way, did I tell you that I’m supposed to be studying right now? :D

Friends...forever???

2006-02-07T05:10:00.000-08:00

This post goes out to a very special ex-best friend of mine, S, with whom I shared all my childhood fantasies and aspirations.

Our friendship goes waaay back to 3rd std. Well, back then we weren’t in much amicable terms. We both had a common friend, A, about whom we were both very possessive about, and it was more like competition for A’s attention than friendship (With A enjoying the whole thing immensely, of course). I still remember clearly the day S put a mutton piece inside my beautifully rolled chappathi (by the way, I’m a pure- and I mean, 100% pure- veggie) and I vomited all over the class after innocently eating it (I know, poor li’l me…. U’re a bad girl, S. shame on u!!!)

Fast forward to 7th std. That was the year the students got shuffled into different classes & A got transferred to another class (personally, I think it was all for the best…Coz we’re pretty much drifting apart. ‘swaram nannavumbo pattu nirthunnathalle budhi’). Suddenly we were thrown into each other’s company along with 2 of our other best friends (u know, what these lower grades are like….best friends, friends, OK ones, khadoos ones…total chaos!).

That’s when we started to really like each other and bond with one another. She and I used to stay at school till 5.30 coz her bus came late and my dad, as usual, was always late (rolling my eyes :D )…we used to hang out with a gang of friends who’d leave my 4.30 or so. Then we’d roam around the school premises, gossiping about how we thought ‘this girl’ supposedly had a bf (ohhh…what a shocking news it was, back then!) and similar stuff. ;-)…

We grew much closer over the next couple of years…i.e., until 10th std. After that she joined a school and me another. One thing she (&probably me too) was lousy at was keeping connections. The frequent phone calls became rarer and even rarer…

We still call each other up on b’days and on special occasions like X’mas eve. But it aint the same anymore. What I wanted to tell u, S, was that even though I’m blessed with a few good friends…but I do miss what we had together..…

I still think about the good ol’ times we had…dreaming of achieving goals (however ridiculous it might be) together hand in hand…how u promised me (OK, how I made u promise) that I’d the maid of honour at ur wedding…how we both drooled over titanic for weeks…how u’d roll ur eyes over how often my crushes changed…how I was afraid to talk to u about the trauma u were goin’ through coz I was afraid I’dnt know what to say (I was in 7th grade, for god’s sake, people!)…..

One thing I can promise u, my dear friend, is that the memories are still afresh…after all, it’s hard to forget those ‘first things’…first love, first kiss, likewise…my very first true best friend…

I will always and always treasure u as the friend I lost to time….

My Prince Charming....

2006-02-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

OK, I got tagged…and I’m supposed to write 8 points regarding ‘mera woh' (I prefer not to use the term ‘dream lover’ coz then I’d say any look-alike of Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom with the charisma of Richard Gere and the musical abilities of Bryan Adams would do :D )…though the whole making up 8 points was pretty exhausting to some of my pals, to my surprise…once I started putting ‘em down, it was like on and on and on…. and on! So guys, if u don’t mind this’s going to one huge list…. be prepared for the drooling and dreamy stuff in between :D….

And I’m gonna leave out all the should be loving, caring, understanding, always loyal to me, respectful to my feelings and other obvious part behind…. and go straight into things that I specially look for in my ‘prince charming’. (And so the drooling starts…D)

1) Should love to travel. My whole family loves traveling, so do I…I love the feeling of goin’ to a new place, wandering around, seeing and experiencing strange things…it’d be quite fabulous to have a partner to share the whole feeling with…

2) Should be an average if not avid reader. I just can’t stand people who go ‘oh, books? I haven’t read a single book other than the ones I was made to!’. Books are one of the things that gets me goin’ and one of the foremost things that connect me to another individual. So, it’d be important for him to be well read so we can connect at that level too.

3) Should fit like a jigsaw piece into my family, should love and respect ‘em. To me, my family comes first…everything else is secondary. So if he could never feel part of our family…. guess he could never be ‘my’ family.

4) I’m a li’l over-the-top kinda person…some things just make me go totally hyper…it’d be perfect if he tends to go hyper about some things that he’s passionate about too…so that our eccentricity wavelengths can match ;-)

5) Should be a movie buff. And oh yeah, should be able to at least stand if not love movies like Pretty Woman, Titanic, My best friend’s wedding, DDLJ etc which are my all time fav. Romantic movies…(taking a sec…to think abt them…. LOTS of drooling..:D)…Hey, I’dnt mind watching ‘the fast and the furious’ or some dumb premier league match for him…so he better do the same too…:D

6) Should be a good conversationalist. Good listener and also should talk quite a bit..(I tend to belong to the talkative kind)…and must have a good sense of humor…and not ‘ jee, woh joke tha?’ kinda person. Should be able to make me laugh.

7) And of course, should be romantic. Oh no, not the mushy romantic poems likhne- wala type. But should have no problem in expressing his love and affection for me in his own sweet and not-so-mushy way. Can be macho at times…(bikes, his lady ;-) ring a bell, someone? …Ahem! ahem!) ..but shouldn’t be the wearing-a-mask-over-his-emotions kind.

8) And lastly and most importantly…should gimme a reason to look forward to waking up each and every morning and be thankful to god that I’m alive…should be my ‘fire’ (not to be interpreted as something like me getting Goosebumps or goin weak on my knees every time I see him) and should continue to do so till all eternity…

Guess that’s all I want from my prince. Now, now…this isn’t asking too much, is it? ;-)

And I’m tagging..…alcott and akhil

??? FreeBird ???

2006-02-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

Posted by ‘free bird’…. blog address is ‘tobeafreebird’…. u might think ‘why is this girl so hell obsessed with this ‘free bird’ thing?’ Lemme explain….

For me, a person who has always wished to be free from all kinds of pressures and I’m sad to say responsibilities from life, free bird stands for ultimate liberation (OK, don’t confuse this with ‘moksha’…I’m not saying in an aesthetic kinda way)…

I’ve always felt somehow trapped…trapped within the realms of the society, expectations of my parents, my own dreams and ambitions, my fears, my hopes…. everything. I’ve always wanted to feel what its like to be totally, ultimately free…. not to give a damn about anything…. never having to bother about which direction U’re going…and where it leads…what the future holds…

Like a freebird…fly away in whatever direction Ur heart says. And not bother about anything and everything…except feel the wind rushing through and the clouds floating above…

And what makes me want this even more is the knowledge that this is something I could never ever have…coz of my duties as a daughter, as a student, as an individual and also coz this world is much too practical to listen all this crap.

Which is why, I’ve to continue living the way I’m doing right now…meaningful to the world, but totally and unsatisfied thro’ my eyes…and probably is the way I’ll have to live in the future too…coz as we grow up, the only thing bound to increase is responsibilities…sigh!!!

What ‘TITANIC’ taught me

2006-01-28T23:23:00.000-08:00

I saw the incredible movie ‘titanic’ once again today- after an interval of 6 yrs. Its really crazy how things like a movie make u realize tht u’ve grown up, like this one just did. Ok….time for a flashback….

6 yrs back, while I was in 7th grade, I fell in love (or so I thought then) for the first time…. with Leonardo di caprio. I got tired of my friends singing its praises and decided to see for myself. So my dad, mom, sis and I went to check it out. And…..the rest is history…or shud I say a lot of drooling in my diary for ages. We loved LOVED the movie, not considering the fact tht my mom not being such a fan of eng movies slept thro’ the whole ordeal except for the occasional ‘wht just happnd?’ questions to my dad which made me happy tht it wasn’t me who was sitting next to her. ok, back to the topic….i’ll always remember this as the first movie which made me cry. Ok, after tht theres been a couple of others …damn the hormones!!!

I was soo touched by their love story back then….I remember crying myself to sleep tht night. And I watched the movie some 7-8-9 times again until I decided to put an end to it and too a vow never to see it again unless I really felt it. And so I dint until yesterday. I saw tht the movie was coming on star moves a few days earlier and I cant put into words, but I had to see it…I just knew. So all plans aside, I sat in front of the TV promising myself tht I won’t cry. But who knew??? But what really surprised me is what actually made me cry…

And I could read more into the characters. Trust me on this, I could relate to ‘rose’ a lot. Not tht I’m engaged to some damn millionaire, she’s more like a bird in a cage with golden bars. But like mahakavi ulloor once said ‘ a cage with golden bars is still a cage’. My family isn’t tht strict on me, but once a while I wanna do things at the spur of the moment. And hell, one of the things life has taught me is tht if u r a girl living in trivandrum, u cant go on a trip to some place north east or even nearby just coz u feel like at tht moment. Courtesy to my mother for this statement. I also feel like trapped within my self sometimes, god knows why…. I’d love to feel as free as I can. Back to the movie…so when she saw someone who shared her free spirit (not to forget with lots of charm n good looks) she fell in love, which I’m sure if someone like tht comes along my way, it wont be long before I’m in love too!

What actually reduced me to tears was the scene where a mother puts her two li’l angels to sleep telling a story where they lived for 300 years blessed with eternal youth. Tht really had me…and I have this dumb thing of imagining myself in other people’s place, which contributes a lot to my tears.
So titanic for me stands for the free spirit and never dying love whether its what a mother feels for her children or what jack n rose felt for each other.

I fell in love with the movie while I was a child and now,7 yrs from then, I’ve realized tht somethings never change!!

my first ever, first day first show movie!!!

2006-01-27T02:02:00.000-08:00

Well…I’ve been thinking abt what to write next on my blog…. then it dawned on me…what else than my first ever first day, first show movie experience!!!! And it couldn’t get any better…. RANG DE BASANTI ROCKS!!!!!!! Absolutely rocking!!! The people there so totally LOST CONTROL!!!

The first day first show crowd is amazing….( my eardrums are partially broken:D)…the crowd went berserk during the first scene of Aamir…..I’ve always loved Aamir as an actor, his is the only movie which can guarantee a minimum standard…now about the movie….

The cast is simply perfect…everybody acts soo well n naturally; it’s hard to pick a favorite among ‘em. There are some scenes…which in my pal’s lingo can be said as some ‘katta scenes’: D, u definitely wouldn’t wanna miss…like the scene with aamir and gang jumping into the river/pool (whatever it was), feels like they’re flying…and then there’s the scene where they jump up in the sky with MIG in background….LOVED those scenes!!!

Apart from the movie bein’ awesome, the whole vibe in the theatre was electrifying. U could see die-hard a.r.rahman and aamir fans everywhere….never knew there existed a crowd like this in tvm….

All in all the experience was rocking!!! Yaaaaaayyyy!!!!

Bryan Adams is coming to town!!!

2006-01-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

I nearly had a heart attack when I picked up the Hindu metro plus today…Bryan Adams in a concert in b’lore!!!!!! God, I love tht man…. ever since I first heard his summer of ’69…the passion with which he sings tht song is unbelievable! And then there’s everything I do, which just melts my heart.

So I decided I had to go to the concert…. how I wish things were that easy! Trust me, going alone for a concert to b’lore all alone (not to mention cutting classes) from tvm is something that’s definitely not my mom’s gonna approve that easy…it doesn’t help much if U’re a girl too:-( …I could deal with all that (I’m stubborn, u know…. and when its Bryan Adams concert in question, I would rather die of a hunger strike than miss it!)…But then again, life can be very funny sometimes…all these days, I’ve waited for that concert to occur and when it is happening…I’m already committed to something the previous day- something that I can do nothing about :-(((….

And this ‘ I’ll die if I don’t go to the concert!’ is esp. coz of 2 reasons…

Number one…i always always had a special thing for singers (esp. the male ones) …not even the best looking off all actors had tht special place in my mind (OK, maybe Richard Gere perhaps…. but thts coz he’s VERY VERY charismatic:D ) …perhaps coz its something I can never ever do, no matter how desperately I try …I love the most wildest of songs as much as I love sweet romantic slow-dancing kinda ones which absolutely turns me on like no other….now that I examine it closely, the most crushes I’ve had were on good singers, famous or the ones from ur own class. The unbelievably good singer from westlife, Enrique…u name it, I like ‘em all. I got all over them, but this thing for Bryan Adams is not a crush, I mean he sings soo well…its much worthier than a crush! I guess, my special thing for Bryan Adams is something that’s gonna be with me for a long long time… at least hope so ;-)

The second thing is that…I’ve always wanted to attend a concert…all my life of 19 yrs. I wanted to see how it feels like standing in the midst of a HUGE HUGE crowd, shouting my lungs out ,singing my fav. song with THE singer HIMSELF!!!maybe I’ll have to croak for days…but hey, who cares??? Its Bryan Adams U’re gonna see for god’s sake! ….hehe..the very thought gets me goin’….

And when an opportunity comes along to realize the dream I’ve had for quite a no. of yrs….i cannot go coz of this thing that I cannot just leave and come….hmm…guess I’ll have to wait a li’l longer for that dream to come true….after all, life’s all about compromises….

Who am I???? ;-)

2006-01-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

When I first started reading blogs, my first thought (apart frm thinking tht some entries were super cool) was tht how can these people be so bold enough to in down each and everything tht comes to their mind? I mean, most blogger guys reveal their identities and it scares me to death to think tht some strangers (or even worse acquaintances who r just mere strangers apart from the fact tht we both seem to know tht each other exists) might be reading my innermost thoughts and things tht I put down on the blog.

OK, now u might think tht I’m scared about revealing the REAL ME to people…its nothing like tht. Just tht its pretty creepy to think tht the guy in ur class, whom you might not even know existed if it was not for the occasional do-I-have-to-smile look on their faces when met somewhere outside than the class, might be thinking something like ‘hey girl, I know what u think abt so-and-so or tht you have a crush on so-and-so coz I read ur blog’.

So when I had this pretty cool idea to start a blog of my own, I struggled for days thinking if I should reveal myself or just write as this girl from Trivandrum. Coz I DO want people I personally know visiting the blog and on the other hand I’m too scared to go open about all my feelings…to know me and also my feelings, I want that special thing to be reserved to people I really love and care about. This whole thing is pretty complicated…. DUMB, I know…but still dumbly complicated….

Hence I decided to remain anonymous and see where this goes….if it goes anywhere…I have promised myself that I will keep on blogging till I’m totally sick n tired of it (unless I run outta stuff which hopefully I wont or if something dreadful happens to my hand in which case it’ll be too painful to type), even if not even a fly gives a damn about this blog…( well, that’s some promise to keep for sure!).

The whole point of the blog was to explain my reason for deciding to remain anonymous…. hats off to those bloggers who come out and reveal who they are! I hope I’ll get courage to do that someday :-)

me? a blogger??? how come?

2006-01-16T05:10:00.000-08:00

The most imp reason tht made me a blogger-wannabe was sayesha’s blog (http://sayesha.blogspot.com/). Tht blog’s just amazing and I can’t help but come back for the nxt entry on her blog. And tht set me thinking…how awesome it’d be if somebody, at least one person, appreciated my blog. Tht was long time ago…but then, me being the pessimist I’m, thought …but who would wanna see my blog? I’m not some engineer who resigned her job to be a children’s magazine editor (sayesha, if u EVER EVER happen to see this…no offence meant :D nor do I live this wild independent life some others boast of …I’m a typical 19 yr old Indian (read keralite) girl living in the capital city, tvm, with her parents…( Ok, I’m not sayin tht my life’s completely dull n uninteresting…)…but then I realized, blogging is all abt being urself…and thts what I’m gonna be…myself!!! And whether people find my blog interesting or not…well, tht’s left to ‘em. I’m just gonna publish my thoughts and perspectives…though deep down my heart I hope they do :-)

i'm there....finally... :-)

2006-01-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

yaaaay!!!!!!! i've entered the blogosphere at last....i've been a blog addict for soo long...but my utter laziness prevented me from starting one of my own...but here i am, entering a whole new realm...:-)